Movies, geeks, and cookie dough

Activate Interlocks

I lost a friend yesterday, or someone I thought was a friend. No, she didn’t die, but she sent me a psychotic, venom-filled e-mail in response to something I had sent her that was not intended the way she took it. She accused me of a) being stressed out, b) being off my meds, c) being mentally altered by my meds. Not sure how I was supposed to be both b) and c) at the same time, but not concerned. How she was supposed to be able to tell I was being mentally altered by medication since she hasn’t seen me face-to-face in two years I’ll never know either. She claims the meds have changed my personality. That’s not the important part.

Dynotherms Connected

The almost important part is that when I called someone to get their opinion, to make sure that I had not done anything to provoke the attack and that my personality had not been altered, she came right over to read the e-mails for herself and decide. She pretty much agrees with me, by the way, but that’s not important either.

Infracells Up

This is the important part: when she came over she was having a minor crisis of her own, so I put my own worries aside and offered a friendly ear. That went really well. One thing led to another and soon we were having lunch and watching a movie she picked out. It was a movie that, in the past, has meant a great deal to me. You see the last time I watched that movie with someone else, we didn’t spend a whole lot of time watching the movie. We spent a lot of time on the couch, the coffee table, the floor, the hallway, etc. At any rate, that movie, that person, and that night have always been closely linked in my mind. It turns out that person didn’t feel the same way about me as I did about her (and in her defense she did try to tell me), and it took a long, long time to get over that, so I haven’t watched that movie much since, and never with anyone else.

Mega-thrusters are go

None of that ever entered my mind yesterday when she picked out the movie. We sat there, the best of friends, watching a movie that until that point had meant so much, and brought back so many memories that I couldn’t watch it without getting either sad or aroused, and it never even crossed my mind. I think this is particularly potent in light of other recent developments in this friendship. We didn’t finish the movie, but that isn’t important either. And no that’s not why we didn’t finish the movie: she went off to have a snack at her favorite restaurant with her boyfriend and one of his friends.

Let’s Go Voltron Force!

For those of you not geeky enough to figure it out, this is the really important part: I’m done. All the pieces, so to speak, have come together. I’m not cookie dough anymore, I’m a cookie. I’ve realized that “what I do” and “who I am” are different things. The past is the past, don’t regret it. Learn, assimilate, survive and move on. Do I want to keep the job I have for the rest of my life? No. I want to finish my degree and move on. Do I want to stay single for the rest of my life? No, but I want someone who I can share “me” with instead of someone to help me shape “me”. It took too long, but I’m here. And I’m happy.

Still gonna take the meds though.