Happy Fourth! and other stuff

I talked to Critter for a bit yesterday, just a “hi, how ya doin’?” kind of thing. It came up that she was over at K’s dad’s place and had been there for most of the week. I don’t know why but I got really upset. I didn’t say anything to her about it though, and as it turns out it’s a good thing I didn’t. She had mentioned last week that a friend of K’s dad was coming to visit and unlike most of his other friends she actually likes this one so she stayed over there to hang out since K’s dad, great host that he is, didn’t think to try to get any time off from work while his friend was in town. She did mention that she had been going home in the morning to get ready for work, and for reasons I don’t fully understand and can’t even begin to articulate that makes me feel better.

She and the kids are going to be watching the fireworks with K’s dad again this year. It was supposed to be us. She was annoyed last year that they had to go with him but the two of us weren’t “out” as a couple yet and she was still trying to disentangle herself and the kids from him. It kind of pisses me off that he has this connection with her that seems to keep her hovering on the edges of his social circle, but I know he’s the father of her child and that’s a powerful bond. I told her I would never interfere between him and K, but I’d step up and take his place if he wouldn’t man up and be a daddy to her.

Here I am, ready, willing, and able to be the person she says she wants her partner to be, and she still can’t make up her mind that she really wants it. And I don’t even have to try to be that person, it’s just who I am. I knew this would take a while but for some reason today I’m just aggravated. She mentioned, after seeing the dramatic change in me over the past few months, that maybe she should try therapy for a while, just to get some advice and help on getting her thoughts sorted out. She asked about how much it cost and did our insurance cover it. Her insurance should cover it even though she’s on a slightly different plan than I am; mostly the differences between the PPO plans were did you want an HSA or not and how high did you want your deductible to be, the coverage is mostly the same. I might have allowances for a few more therapy sessions than she does but that’s probably it. If I can do it without leaving myself short I may pony up the money for the first two or three visits myself if she still wants to go. After that she should be pretty close to meeting her deductible and the insurance paperwork will have caught up and she’ll have a credit at the office from where she over paid. Once they process the insurance and find out what the “allowed charge” is they credit your account if you have already paid the uninsured rate.

Even if she decides I’m not the man for her at least the wait would be over and I could move on and we could start to be “just friends” for real instead of this lopsided arrangement we have now. And I fully acknowledge that the current lopsidedness is entirely my fault. Like I said before, I’m just a little pissy today since the local fireworks display was one of the things we had mentioned doing together as a family once we were “out”.

I gotta go to town and pay some bills. I might be back later, but usually when I say I will be back I fall asleep, so no promises.