But “we” aren’t

She moved out the same night as my other entry. I’ve been alternating between "dazed and sad" and "incredibly angry" all week. She’s thinking about going back to her ex, the one she’s been trying to leave for four years, the one who thinks hitting her is an appropriate response when he gets mad at her.

According to her, we’re still a couple, but I’ve only seen her twice since she’s moved out, and she won’t answer the phone when I call. It’s not like I’m calling every few minutes or anything, if I call it’s a once a day thing when she should be able to answer to at least say she can’t talk. If I’m feeling really bad i might call one more time four or five hours later, but that’s it. In addition to the two times I’ve seen her she’s actually called me twice.

I had to pick the kids up from school the day after she moved out. There was no one else to do it, so I did. B told me she had a play coming up and her parents were supposed to be there. She asked me if I was coming. It was all I could do to hold myself together. I told her I would come if her mom wanted me too. I don’t think they understand yet.

I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m pretty sure we’re headed for a break up but she and the kids still have stuff over here. She has a key, she knows my schedule, she knows she can come and get it if she wants it, but she hasn’t. Does that make her lazy or me just overly hopeful that it might not be over?

All her friends think she’s nuts.

The people she hangs with at work are probably jumping for joy; they really don’t like me. She says the age thing is starting to bother her, but it never bothered her before, and I can’t help but think someone was constantly highlighting it and pointing it out to her to make it an issue. It’s not like I ever lied about how old I was or anything, and eleven years is not that big a deal once you hit your mid-twenties.

She says she doesn’t want K. to grow up without a daddy. I told her that wouldn’t happen. Even if K’s father (her ex) was an idiot and never paid child support or came around, I told her that *I* would be her daddy. I’m not like her ex who, to quote Critter, is "mean" to D & B because they aren’t his biologically. I never had a problem with them or with K. And to make it all worse K had finally accepted me as a caregiver, not just someone  who had food when Critter wasn’t around.

This hurts. It really does, and she says it’s not me it’s her, but I’ve been hearing that every time I’ve been dumped since I was seventeen, there *has* to be something wrong with me, why can’t anyone tell me what it is?