…But can we take it?

Something happened today. Something that made me a little angry, and at the same time made me realize something.

I have always been, in whatever group I’ve been a part of: the smart one, the wise man, the medicine man, etc. For those of you not getting the point, all my life I’ve been Spock, Obi-Wan, or Rafiki. Content to follow the strongest among us, always ready with counsel when asked, and ready to lead when necessary; but sometimes reluctant to do so. I have been the Keeper of Knowledge, Giver of Advice, Guardian of the Customs, Protector of the Weak, and Helper of the Helpless. Part of this has to do with how my brain is wired, part to do with my upbringing, and part to do with the books I’ve read and movies and television shows I’ve watched.

With that being said, I earned that role in every group. I never took it upon myself and I never forced anyone to listen to me. I would sometimes speak as the Devil’s Advocate, to be sure all possibilities and consequences had been considered, but only in that role did I give advice unasked. If I thought something was going to go badly, I planned "escape routes" or "recovery plans" for the group, but I kept them to myself unless needed.

I realized today that I have been forcing that role upon someone in this community unasked. No one here knows my experiences, qualifications, or anything else I bring to the table. No one here knows if I’m really 35. Or a guy. I am, and I ask that you trust me in that, but that is all. As far as anyone here knows, I sprang into being fifteen days ago, and no one knows anything about me prior to that, so why should anyone listen to me?

To one smart, potentially brilliant fourteen-year-old, I offer my apologies. I, much like your teachers, used my age, and only my age, as authority for the words I spoke. I am concerned, and when you ask for opinions, I will nudge you towards what I think is your best course of action, but I will no longer impose my opinions upon you unasked. I will offer support and encouragement, but I haven’t earned the right to do anything else. I stumbled upon your diary in a freak 1 in 1×10^34 chance, and it intrigued me, but that does not give me the right to offer advice unasked.

To the person who offered me advice and caused this bout of introspection: I thank you for it. I know you mean well, and have my best interests at heart, and in that spirit I once again thank-you, but I don’t know if I can follow it just yet. You did not intend to offend, and haven’t really, but you did make me think.

The person to whom I write is in a serious relationship, but we are still the best of friends regardless of what I had hoped for, and not everything can be expressed verbally. We are both much more articulate with the written word than spoken. Spoken words wear boots, you see, and once spoken go marching off….

I can’t remember who wrote that poem (perhaps our 14 year old friend does), sorry. My point is this: when writing I can be sure that what I say is what I mean; I can’t always do that when speaking. She and I are in a good place right now. I still have occasional bad times, and she knows it and accepts it. But lately, even here in Nottingham, the ups do outnumber the downs, and so I continue.

Fleeing from the Cylon tyranny, the last Battlestar, Galactica, leads a rag-tag fugitive fleet on a lonely quest: a shining planet known as Earth.