Bad Night

Had a complete meltdown in front of Critter tonight when she came to get the kids.

I was fine until they were leaving, and I was just going to tell her that I was having a harder time with things than I thought I would and we might need to take things one day at a time for a while.

And then it happened. She says she understands. She’s going to try to stop talking about him around me, but he makes her so happy. I know he does, I can see it on her face and hear it in her voice whenever she talks about him. She said she was going to have a talk with him tonight, about how close we are, and how he needs to understand if she needs to take a call or a text message from me when they’re together.

As soon as she reached the bottom of the driveway I realized I hadn’t given her the gifts I bought her in Seattle and sent her a quick text letting her know and asking, if she didn’t have plans, if we could get together tomorrow and hang out (like our Thursday hang out time) and I’d give them to her then.

No response yet, twenty minutes later. So much for she’s there if I need her. If she can’t even send a "I’ll get with you tomorrow" or other generic response to that heaven forbid I should be having some sort of crisis.

And it isn’t her fault, this is all me, I honestly thought I could handle this, but I may not be able to. And on top of Critter moving on full steam ahead Ember is moving in eight days. Eight. There’s an actual date and deadline on things now. She and TacoBoy have been approved for an apartment in Atlanta, the apartment manager just has to figure out which unit they’re getting and then they sign a lease. This is so much different than "she’s moving when she finishes school" or "later in the year" cause both of those are here now.

So Ember is moving away, Critter is just moving on, and here I am. Stuck. Again. The same damn place I was twenty years ago except I’m a hundred pounds heavier and in a different zip code. Alone.

And miserable.

And not allowed to show it because everyone’s relying on ToyMan to fix whatever’s wrong ’cause ToyMan’s got his stuff wired.

Yeah, right.

To top it all off I’m probably not getting the transfer to the store near Ember. If I haven’t gotten a call for an interview yet then I’m not going to – vacation or no, for management transfers they’ll call you on your cell phone if you aren’t at work because they want to get that spot filled ASAP.

Crap.

Oh, not sure if I mentioned it but they guy I normally work with Sat – Mon quit on Friday. Just came in, tossed his keys and ID on the desk and said, "I quit" and walked out. Ten minutes before his shift was supposed to start no less.

Jackass.

So now, assuming I have any help at all, it’ll be a senior manager who will be all about "delegating" things to me and telling me what I’m doing wrong rather than helping me get the job done.

Yippee Skippy.

Yeah, I’m havin a real good vacation alright. Who’d have thought the time I spent with my parents would have been the high point.

I am so screwed up right now.

I still can’t believe I bought a car seat. I can’t believe she didn’t think that was really weird.

I miss her.