episode 79.

yesterday i was getting distracted forgetting things.. i know i left a bunch of chunks out from friday.. boo =[

BUT.. on with it.

so last night i went to family video to get wii games.. stopped at ashleys to smoke. we all chilled. then i went to family video.. came back home.. and after my mom went to bed ryan texted me.. asking me to come over.

i was really hesitant and then i told myself what for? i know myself. i can refrain myself from having sex.. or doing anything for that matter. ryan said he had beer and shit he just wanted to smoke me down.. im alright with that.

so to throw him off i just told him i couldn’t drive.. and hopefully he wouldn’t offer to come get me like last time.. but he ended up coming to get me anyway..

so he picked me up and i brought my movie. im glad he just moved in his apartment there was no couch. there were two chairs.. like lawn chairs. we hadn’t hugged or anything or touched. but i could sense he wanted something to do with me. probably sexual. we watched the movie face off ive been dying to watch it for like two weeks now.

while watching it i drank 6 beers.. and he fell asleep.. and i pretty much smoked a joint by myself. he kept falling asleep.. in uncomfortable positions that made me tired just looking at it. i kept waking him up telling him to go to bed. and then he asked me if i was going to lay down in there with him.. yeah yeah sure whatever. ill meet you in there.

i finished the movie and shut everything off and lily (the most awesome pit ever) was laying next to him. so he pushed her off and i laid down. he clung to me already hard. wow. really?

he was all over me. but we didnt kiss and i stayed facing the wall. i knew he was exhausted so he pretty much grabbed my clothes until he fell asleep.

the more i was getting turned on the more i thought about scotty and started turning off. i just kept reminding myself about scotty and that i was JUST with scotty. and most of all i love that psycho.. no one can top him =]

woke up the next day. i did it. i told myself i could do it and not sleep with ryan. fuck ryan. that tool. why even bother trying to lead me on? im not going to sleep with you dude. especially when he shouldve already picked up im seeing someone else.. or back with someone else.. whatever ya wanna call it

ughh guys are so complicated.

so im having trouble on what to do for scottys birthday.. pleaseeee Help. i have an idea for the card.. i was going to write the list.. of all the things him and i have done or planned to do. =] and i was going to burn him a CD of his favorite songs.. hes asked me to do that for him like 2 years ago. i can get around $100 to spend on him.. but i don’t know what to get. =[ its urking the fuck out of me.. and he turns 27 on friday.

christmas i made him a pistons blanket and embroidered his name on it =] he LOVES it. but now that its getting nicer outside i don’t know.. maybe a blunt? some crazy hot sex? all day friday he kept bringing up toys.. he wants to play with me. but ive never bought any toys.. i wouldn’t know what to get.. or what to do? that crazy guy. he wants to tie me up… maybe i should let him do that? i have no idea. i need like a birthday present for guys specialist.

then i thought about making him a cake. blahhh so many options but no decisions i have no clue!

-L