episode 74.

7:32pm

hello?
what are you doin?
just at corey & ashleys
oh yeah? whos all over there?
just me and brittany
wheres corey?
on the couch.
wheres ashley?
out getting pizza hut
you stayin out of trouble?
bout to get into some in a few actually
must be nice.. but you’re not doin anything i wouldn’t do right?
always.. so what are you doing? i start laughing after i realized i asked that
oh its funny now isn’t it..?
sorry.. keep forgetting
mmhmm sure you did.. its like that now huh..
alwaysss
i should be gettin out of here wednesday or thursday..
i know im excited..
will you do me a favor baby?
anything..
will you come pick me up when i get released?
of course i will..
ill have some loot for your car babe.. either wednesday or thursday im gonna get transported back to livonia..
why don’t i just come get you from there?
linda no its 2 hours away.. you know how much gas that’ll cost.
i can get gas though..
yeah and how would you do that?
my mom..
no. you can come get me from livonia.. mt. pleasant is way too far.. especially by yourself. not happenin.
okay.. will you call me and let me know?
of course i will.. if it doesn’t happen on wednesday ill call you then and give you a time for thursday
i don’t care i just want to see you..
i know babe.. ill have some money for us too.. and we can figure some stuff out after you come get me..
okay..
alright? you bein good? not drinking and driving i hope?
ive been sitting around hangin out gettin high.. thats all
well good.. ima let you go off here before we get cutoff.. but ill call you soon.
okay.. i miss you
i love you.
i love you too..

 

YUM. im not going to lie i am shocked he asked me to pick him up. i figured rikki would be up all over that shit.. or his parents at least come get him.. but he asked me.. that means hes not going home..? it has to mean he isn’t going home.. back to that hell hole. after i got off the phone with him i wanted to ask what we were doing after he got released but i was so excited to come get him that was all i could think about.

im really not sure how i can describe how im feeling. a piece of me thinks im getting my hopes way up and this is all some random joke.. or dream.. or things im picking up off him that don’t really mean what i think. then half of me sees this whole different scotty ive been trying to see for so long.. and its finally happening the way it should have so long ago.

he mentioned money.. what if he just wants me to pick him up chill around for a while then he goes back home. ugh that would just piss me the fuck off. but why should i be pissed? i shouldn’t. he’s got stuff to take care of.. i feel like we are already heading in the right direction and if i whine pout or do anything i might mess this shit up this dream ive been chasing.

then this piece of me thinks im thinking way too much or just way too deep in this mess. yeah i love the fuck out of him but damn. its kind of scary to think about.. like what if i actually got what i wanted to come true. im getting all weird thinking i might jynx him. or that jail is just enhancing his missing me more.. or something.

if my letter goes through he would get it monday. ugh maybe i shouldn’t have sent it. it was too.. nice.. too i love you nice.. too i miss you. blahhh.. i feel like im already giving myself away so quickly.. but he’s had me the entire path of 2.5 years we’ve been on. he can’t see much more through me right? i mean shit.

i don’t know.. i feel like im standing on the very edge with him.. balancing myself on a tightrope.. if i fall on one side im in heaven.. so happy.. and the other side is just planted up heartbreak.. dark clouds.. and an ocean of tears and devestation.. ahhh. enough about this all i can do is wait.

it was SUCH a beautiful day sunday. my mom took me out to the mall.. i bought new bras and panties.. my boobs grew to a C now.. i had to give up the B. ohhh joy.. will they ever stop?! they fit though. i got some crazy ass rings.. and new body stuff.. my mom spoiled me a little bit.. but i am in love with the jewelry.. i feel pretty again and on top of my game.

we took three hours at the mall. then when i got home i changed looked all hot and went with B to take matt home in my car. then we went to corey and ashleys.. she lost her phone.. we smoked a joint though after we searched for it for over an hour. scotty called me as soon as i walked in.. had that awesome phone conversation then we realized ashleys phone was missing.

came home watched the killing with mom after she lectured me for a while. BLAH. when will that ever stop.

i have therapy at 2pm. which should be interesting.. get to explain more of my hopes about scotty. and hopefully they will follow through and not crash. because i really don’t think i have any more chances left for him. ive waited around too long. but im probably wrong like always and always take him back no matter what.. who knows.

i am happy though.. i am excited to see him.. the first to see him.. im happy ill be there for him.. i don’t know. it feels good still.. just trying to prepare myself if something goes wrong i guess? who knows.

Monday- 2pm Therapy.. Ashleys house watching the girls with her since she will have no phone.
Tuesday- 4pm-3am.. babysit Kelly’s kid Caleb.. make some moneyyyy
Wednesday- on call for scotty
Thursday- on call for scotty
Weekend- with scotty

i really hope this goes as planned.

Scottys 27th birthday is on the 22nd. i have NO idea what to do. christm

as i made him a pistons blanket.. its HUGE.. but it keeps him warm.. for the winter.. now its his birthday.. maybe a CD with all of his favorite songs..? or something michigan.? ugh guys are so hard to give gifts to. any suggestions?

-L

Escarlata- here’s what i found for your dream =]

Funeral
To dream of being at a funeral indicates that we need to come to terms with our feelings about death. It may also indicate a time of mourning for something that has happened in the past and this time of mourning can allow us to move forward into the future. Dreaming of one’s parents’ funeral indicates a move towards independence.

anyone else have a dream they want me to look up? or any words they’ve been dreaming.. because my mom just bought me this dream dictionary =] and so far it has been working AWESOME! =]