episode 72.

Jay-Z – Bonnie And Clyde download at emp3

lately ive been imagining myself in this new life. i can feel some major changes heading my way.. by the conversations.. just the good stuff. im starting to feel like everything is going to be okay.. finally.

yesterday i wanted to go see the girls early. but i woke up kind of late around 3. i remembered i had to take stephanie to the pub since she started work there. but that wasn’t until 7.

so i was getting ready to jet.. maybe take cans back.. and my phone rang. it was scotty from isabella. we connected again.. i can barely hear him stupid jail phones.. our conversation was mostly about nevaeh. he thanked me for taking care of it.. letting me know the money should be heading that way soon after he gets out next thursday. i told him trish asked me to take scotty to see nevaeh.. and spend his child support money on her because it is coming from him.. and that she said i could take her out with him if i wanted. which i completely supported.. he then sounded upset and embarassed.. and he told me "that little girl doesn’t even know me.. or who i am".. i told him that she knows me.. and i can help him.. and i want to help him with anything.. then he said "i’m sorry that i’ve been getting you involved in some of this.. i know this has nothing to do with you.. but thanks for everything you’ve been doing for me" i told him i just wanted him to be happy.. and i could help him with nevaeh as much as he wanted me there to help. i asked him again.. if i could take him there to visit her with me. and he told me we will figure something out when everything is settled.

then he told me about angel.. i guess his first daughters mother holly is collecting money from him too. he told me hes signing off on michael (rikki’s son) since rikki’s parents have him anyway going to school pretty far away from scotty. i didn’t understand and he told me he’s signing off because he cannot hold onto any money since the three mothers are racking him up. and then he said the only tie to rikki is jazmine.. and he said after court through inkster he is going downtown for jazmine for visitation rights or unsupervised visits. he’s really doing it. he’s getting rid of rikki.

other than those two main subjects we were talking about he asked how i was doing.. and if i was okay.. i told him i’ve been fine.. mostly at home.. then he told me the night before he went to jail (monday) i seen him in the parking lot.. and he was just leaving.. he told me after i left the bar he came up there and heard that i was pretty smashed out of my mind. i asked him why he went back up there and he said he was looking for me and wanted to get his last few beers in before going to jail. he told me he smoked with alayna and then went home to go to jail the next day.

i was happy he was just telling me this.. i never him expected to just tell me about times he’s just missed me.. or that he was doing something public with anyone.. i usually never know. i don’t know it felt good.. him telling me.. talking to me.

another thing i noticed he said i love you first.. three times throughout the conversation.. he usually waits for me to say it and then says love you too.. especially around people or some shit. it just felt different.. maybe because hes in jail and missing the hell out of me. =]

he told me he’d call me as soon as he was released.. i told him i cant wait to see him and of course that i missed him so much. we got off the phone instead of getting disconnected.

i felt so happy. i talked to ashley about it for a little and she told me he is actually getting rid of rikki to the point where he’s signing off michael. i never expected him to do that.. but from what he’s told me.. he said that michael was starting to hate scotty.. or thats what it felt like to him. and that rikki was brainwashing him.

thats so sad to hear.. but im sure he’d still be around for him.. lately ive been seeing myself.. with scotty.. completely.. and i know thats my hopes going sky rocket high. but i can’t help it.. it feels real. the fact that im holding this position down.. and the weird thing that i know nevaeh more than scotty knows her as her father. i feel like i can help him.. or open some doors for him.. spend time with them..

it reminds me of being a step mom really.. kristie is no mother to nevaeh except giving birth to her.. and ruining her own and her childrens lives. its just sad..

but now that i am going through this i feel very blessed that trish had asked me to do this for her and him.. and blessed that scotty turns to me to help him. it feels good. i feel good. i feel terrible what these kids have to go through.. but i feel good that it will soon be fixed.. for the better.. for everyone.. well maybe not rikki. or kristie. but they made their bed.. lie in it.

good entries lately.. very good. =] thanks everyone for the awesome notes

and Sheila you couldn’t relate more to me! =]

-L