episode 59.

today started off terrifying.

first question. has anyone ever seen the movie "i spit on your grave"? if you haven’t i wouldn’t recommend it. i liked the movie. well only the last hour of it. but if you have seen it this was similar to what i was dreaming.

i usually wake up every few hours throughout the night to roll over or move around. and when i wake up i always check the clock to see where im at in the night. i had this terrifying nightmare. that i was basically the girl in the movie. and these werent strangers these were people i knew.. these people i knew some ive slept with some i havent.. were gang-raping me. against my will in full fear of my life. at one point in the dream i had a phone and dialed 911. my citys police came to my house. it was happening in my house. the cops sat outside waiting for it me to be finished. there was a small group of friends in one room who i considered my great friends because they weren’t hurting me. but i just cant believe that the other people that were hurting me were doing this with no help. i then woke up to my mother saying "what time did you get home last night?" i woke up and stared at her in awe. and let out a huge scream. that was the scariest shit i have ever felt. just typing about it kills me.

so advice to all you movie watchers i think watching this movie recently has caused this nightmare. again i dont recommend it. i was told the same thing and of course i never listen and watched it anyway.. but ill never watch it again. just like the human centipede.. disgusting. seriously who comes up with these movies?

last night i convinced my mom to let me take the car to kellys to watch movies.. but i was secretly twisting my plans into visiting my cousin at the bar. plan worked. i drove all the way out to taylor with very little money. i showed up and she bought me three beers i bought her a shot. we went out and smoked a few bowls of weed. then went back in some guy offered to play me in pool i played half of it. wasnt in my game. my cousin whos actually my mothers cousin which makes her my second cousin yet younger than me just turned 21 earlier this month so i had to see her since i havent seen her in a bar yet. so she was talking and ended up giving me half of a pie. now i hate pills barely ever take them. and i just said fuck it. and took it. then i forced myself to leave and go to kellys to watch a movie because i had to drive and i didnt want to drink anymore i knew my mom would eventually call. so i leave and go back to kellys her caleb and i watch 13 ghosts. i had my first kiss to that movie haha. wow that was so long ago

anyway came home after that went to sleep and woke up after that horrible dream. i couldnt sleep ate something then a few hours later i napped. angeline woke me up i was afraid of dreaming something worse. she picked me up and we went on a weed hunt.. got some from alayna. after we smoked we got our eyebrows waxed. i was getting sooo bad.

came home to catch up on the dvr and ashley started picking a fight with me. we hardly ever fight. but i was just being a bitch.

i still haven’t gotten off my rag which is driving me nuts i was supposed to be off today.. hopefully it stops overnight tonight.

i forgot to mention that while with scotty monday night tuesday morning a spider (or atleast i think a spider) bit me three times in the NECK right under my ear. holy shit does it itch. i know scotty was kissing me overthere and i remember cringing when i felt a sharp pain in my neck while we were laying there still. but i figured i was just uncomfortable. yeah they itch and theyre huge. people think they are hickeys and they are very very wrong. i dont get hickeys that look like this.

after ashley and i dished out our fight we got over it as every fight between us and smoked a joint of dro with corey. came home watched the shore. and of course my greys anatomy. now im on here. my neck wont stop itching and i had to write to keep my mind off of something. now im off to note all of my bookmarks.

thanks everyone for all of the helpful notes.

-L