episode 46.

thursday i didn’t end up staying home. i went to richards to exchange the shoes he accidently took. i ended up going everywhere that night. first i picked up richard and we decided to stop for a beer. so we did a beer and a shot.. then drove to his house.. then he wanted some yay. so he handed me $75. i went to the pub called petey and he said to come get him within an hour. i planned to go home but didn’t end up doing that. kelly called me when i was at the pub drinking another beer. she asked me if i could bring her cigarettes and she would pay me. well i didnt have any money anyway.. so i brought her ciggarettes.. she gave me an extra five bucks. which was sweet. i called petey and he told me to pick him up and i would get the deal back at the pub. so i went and got him.. took me an hour just to get settled at the pub. once i got there i ordered a pitcher and petey bought me a few shots. then finally we were able to take off.. so i dropped petey off and when i made the deal he gave me a free line. i left back to richards and richard wanted to go back to his other house. so we went there he brought a dog.. and we stopped at the liquor store for beer. when we got to his house we sniffed a few lines.. just bullshitting drinking. then my dad called me all pissed off at 1230. so i raced home.. and got all paranoid on the computer. meek picked me up and we went to chewys.. we waited til 330 after my dad left so i could steal my car.. then meek and i went back to richards.. we ended up staying the night in the spare room. i was feelin pretty good. i almost expected that meek and i would do something.. but im glad we didnt. i think him and i are way too good of friends.

woke up friday and richard meek and i all planned to have the same night over again. but i think all of us were just fucked up. friday morning it was raining all hell dropped richard off and then took meek to his car outside my house.. went back in couldnt sleep. stayed up all night again. maybe an hour or two. that night i wasn’t planning on going anywhere. brian invited me to a party. and i was supposed to go party with richard again. marion instant messaged me asking if i would go with her to brians party. i wasn’t planning on going but i ended up doing it anyway. so we went and i ended up having a blast. we bought our own alcohol. i had 4 mikes hard cans and she had two. she ended up giving me her last one which i haven’t drank yet. but i was pretty gone. marion ended up driving home since she had to work in the morning.. i asked if marty would take me home. he agreed. we were all playing euchre and marty was my partner. in all honesty i cannot stand marty. hes a creeper. i know hes twenty something but he looks like an old man. and has the mind of a 12 year old. the guy sitting next to me i just met.. his name is paul. he was very interesting to me.. caught my attention. we shit talked to eachother the entire night. he looked good. it almost reminded me of how i was introduced to scotty.. marty and i won three straight games.. and during the third game paul started getting mad and saying he wasn’t leaving until he beats me in a game of euchre. fair enough.. the third game we smoked them again. and he was getting ready to leave.. then we didn’t have a fourth to play again. so he said he’d play one more game to beat me finally then out. it was attractive. i noticed i was the only "single" girl there. i know i sucked up a lot of compliments. ugh. but they were unwanted. i was very interested in the new guy tho.. i hate his name. paul. ugh.

he ended up beating us in euchre. i was very let down. i was pretty fucked up tho. so i blamed it on the alcohol. out of no where during the last game marty said out loud.. "i just want to say that linda is the best make out partner ever" he said this when it was dead quiet. i remember saying this is why i don’t hang out with you anymore. and a bunch of shit. but as i put my head in my hands.. in shock. paul looked at marty and said "what the fuck is the matter with you?! you don’t say shit like that." they argued back and forth about it.. then to break it up i said "marty are you just mad because you wait until a girl is incoherant to then attempt to kiss her. and did you forget this happened years ago when i was highly intoxicated and had no memory.. nice touch" paul continued to defend me and i thanked him secretly.even though i was so embarassed thinking there was probably no interest in me anymore since marty took a giant shit on my parade. i think he was jealous because we were connecting through our stuff and laughing at eachother. i know he definitely noticed me. i could see it. and then marty ruins it.

he left and said he’d see me around. i didn’t even get his number. i was so pissed. ugh ive been thinking about it too. i cant find him on facebook.. nothing. dont even know his last name. UGH! i even asked him if he would take me home instead of marty. and he said i was out of his way. i didnt push it. he probably has a girlfriend. FML

marty ended up taking me home. he grabbed my coat i grabbed my alcohol. and we were off. red who was the other player in euchre sat in the back seat with me. and both marty and red begged for me to come over. i said no. no fucking way. reds arms were around me trying to eat my face. he said he really likes me. and then i said everyone likes me apparently. even marty told me red was interested in me. dude. no. disgusting. i shouldve asked about paul.. got his background info. but i dont trust them. theyd probably bash him and act like hes a jerk off or something. so i never asked. but its been on my mind. im pissed! ugh.

so when i finally get home i sit in my car and fill marisa in with the events on the phone. the phone died and i tried going inside my key was gone. SO pissed. i couldnt get anywhere. except inside my car. so i had no choice except to drive all the way back to the house we were at. marty grabbed my coat. UGH! it mustve fell out of my pocket. SURE ENOUGH i get back there and its sitting on the coats. fucking dumbass what a waste of gas. drive back and just crash the fuck out

yesterday i woke up hung over.. pat called me. ughhh even more frustration. he wants to get laid. GO FUCK YOURSELF. ignored. then birthday parties were going on. jessicas at the village bar.. and brittanys moms at ivory room. SCREW that. brittany invited me and i said i was going to jessicas. i dont even like jessica. i just wanted to be with my best friend. i texted my best friend asking if she would drive me with her.. she said yes. so when i asked when she would be home.. "well me and corey are at scottys right now.. we’re pickin up wellzy then we will be there" i immediately felt sick. fuck him. i asked if rikki was there and she said no.. or she wouldnt be there. he didnt end up going to the bar with us. thank god. ugh i feel like puking just thinking about him. i beyond got fucked up at the bar. BEYOND. i blacked out on the way back. we were wasted. i ended up walking home from ashleys. i was so hammered. i dont even know what happened. then i woke up.. a private call. probably rikki. i remember at some point i dialed scottys house. he answered it. but i hung up.

why do i miss him. why.

im glad its sunday. this is my chill day. tomorrow i have to pay probation. and talk to my probation off

icer. tuesday i have to go to secretary of state to get my license back. YAY. wednesday i have to go to therapy. JOY. break out kings premieres tonight. i should go make myself something to eat. i need to stop thinking about scotty. i hate him in my mind.

-L