episode 36.

i hate the world today. ive been so depressed my mind twirling around scotty.

kimmi called me today looking for him. i said idk. i never will. and we got off the phone. i drove to theresas who lives in the same complex as kimmi. she called me as i was sitting at theresas saying he’s on his way over to pick up money. i couldn’t help myself. i came over. my stomach was in knots. i was just so impatient. my heart was pounding.. i felt sick.

it felt like forever but he finally got there. he looked good. he lit a cigarette and ian asked him to go with him in the other room. so he put the lit cigarette down and went in there. kimmi and i sat. i started smoking his cigarette. i barely looked at him. when he came back he got his smoke back from me.. made a few small comments.. all nice tho & smiling at me. after a while of everyone talking my mind started racing.. i was quiet most of the time. but my head was just spinning out of control. i felt lost.. and sick.

i had to leave.. todd asked me to come to the pub.. so i hugged kimmi bye.. and then ian.. and scotty was standing by the door.. when i walked towards it his arms opened. i hugged him. his hand went up my back under my sweater and he pulled me into him.. my mouth was in his neck and shoulder. he hugged me for a while. he smelled so good.

he let me go. i was out the door. i left kept looking in my rearview.. hoping he would chase after me. and then i said hes not supposed to in my head. i had butterflies. in the end im glad we just hugged instead of talked to eachother.. cause itd be bad..

FML