episode 34.

today was stressful at first. i spent 6 hours cleaning my room.. i went through EVERYTHING. i got my mind off it.. then ryan texted me.. asking me about valentines day.. i kept repeating on my facebook i hated today.. just simply for the fact scottys gone. and its not like im expecting him to call me.. which is why i just kept myself occupied and cleaned all damn day. i feel better.. i feel like i got rid of the memories.. i locked them up in a box.. scotty was all over my room.. he was everywhere from condom wrappers to jewelry he gave to me.

but anyway.. my dad came home.. its my parents anniversary today.. so i made sure i cleaned as much as i could.. my dad made me a bloody mary.. he worked late.. we drank.. and then ryan offered to take me out for valentines day.

i was shocked honestly i didn’t think he would pull through.. the way we communicated tho.. we clicked.. i laughed.. he treated me to whatever i wanted.. talked about moving out.. and me staying the night.. how we tried staying with eachother but plans always fell through.. we talked about our past.. his with tiffany.. and mine with scotty. i just feel like were on the same page. i like how were taking it slow.. we planned out a movie tomorrow or thursday.. were going. i feel so good about it.. we both know we like each other so much.. but were scared since were so used to our exes… i dont know.. i just love how slow its going.. super slow like not even cuddling.

he took me out to the bar and we hada few beers.. he bought me a shot too. dropped me off at home.. we kissed.

we’ve never kissed on dates.. but it was pretty. it wasn’t tongue or sloppy.. it was "we connected" kiss.

gosh i feel good.. when i got back inside.. my dad poured me a shot and i continued laundry. todd is planning to take me out to get drunk.. which im excited. im going to do that yay i stole from scotty with todd. todd is just my friend. i know he likes me.. but i feel so good about ryan.. theres something strong between us. and todd is just way too old for me. him and i are more of friends than anything..

but i feel good about getting rid of the yay. i deleted 60% of scotty out of my room. i only have two hennessy bottles we drank.. my vibrator he got me. and the room keys we had. i packed them all away.. including the necklace he bought me.

its hard.. but im glad this is happening.. i almost feel free.. and ryan kissed me =D

will probably edit later when im FUCKED up. =D

-L