281. im leaving scotty

 ive had enough of being treated like dog shit.

i know the last time scotty and i spoke i was working. and he promised to call me at midnight with his private call bullshit.

he did. and he told me he was waiting for me to come get him not even ten minutes away.

i drove around the area he was at.

he called again and said "someone is putting their hands on my lil cousin i cant see you tonight"

i just hung up on him.

FUCK you

he called again. and again. and again.

i answered finally and he said hed call me in an hour and hed see me anyway.

he didnt call.

i finally fell asleep.

he called 5 hours later.

i JUST fell asleep.

i remember vaguely answering the 5 am phone call.

all i remember was him apologizing a million times and him saying he loves me as i was groaning that i was sleeping through the call.

i really was asleep. the phone call was embedded in my dreams.

he said i love you im sorry.

and i regrettably said i love you too and hung up.

i shouldnt have said anything

i shouldnt have even answered

but go figure my half asleep self would answer it and claim i love him back

im pissed.

also during the phonecall he asked my schedule and i told him open to close (as usual) and he said hed call me.

he didnt.

fuck him.

 

on another note im talking to an ex. if any of you remember james…

i dated him my freshman year

completely crazy over him during high school.

two years later he hangs with me again.. fucks me.. then dumps me for his ex

got his ex pregnant and apologized for dragging me through it.

 

now he claims theres no games.. just two years later suddenly messaged me on facebook

i took SOME bait. not all though.

he did go down on me three times in a row. i literally had to push him away to stop just because i cant handle all that penetration.

i know right?

fucking ridiculous.

 

WORK has been god damn retarded. FORTUNEATELY im where i need to be. im well trusted in the financial department. however i want to smack 75% of the people that work there for avoiding their SIMPLE job.

im stuck on james and scotty. neither of them know about eachother. except i told scotty i was leaning towards james since he stumbled once again back into my life. the other two guys that dumped me abruptly like james have BOTH asked me or attempted to get me back.. but i just refused from their pain.

like i didnt deserve it. fuck you im not going back.

but james.. i couldnt say no to.. im COMPLETELY hiding scotty away from james.. he has NO clue.

i somewhat bring up the "ex" to james.

but i can already tell i dont trust james for what he didnt in the past.

and how SORRY he is. i just dont believe it.

even though he has eaten me out.. has been so sweet. literally too sweet to me.

i can feel betrayal heading my way.

and by the way scotty has called me and said this and that then called me 5 hours later thn he said he would.

fuck him. he was probably drunk with his "cousin"

or his fat "bitch" rikki

fuck all guys.

theyre all a joke.

when i move out.

i hope i move far far away.

and if i stay close to home. i hope im by myself. and more independent to rely on anyone in this god damn world

thats the problem with these fucking low lifes

they have no money.

no respect

no romance.

shivlery really is dead

 

ive always thought to myself that i will probably die unmarried and alone.

i think thats just the way life goes for me.

im not girlfriend material.

i cannot be loved by another equally as i love someone else.

its just impossible.

-L