258. living

I’m making money but I’m blowing it on alcohol weed ciggs red bull and gas.
Still nothing from scotty.
Its starting to eat at me, I will make the “I’m gonna cry” face. But I stop myself.
I’m torn.
I fixed myself a cocktail took a vicodin.. I never pop pills btw.. drank a shit ton of redbull smoked a shit ton of weed..
Remember the bartender shawn? I had a huge crush on him.
Well.. he offered me a delivery job.
Just so y’all know. I will never. EVER leave 80s
But he’s so hot. Shawn actually looks like scotty. I nearly called him scotty… twice.
He flirted with me all night.. showing me a job. He and dan (my driver who also wants me) were makin fun of me all night.
He is sooooo sexy.
But its so hard. To just control myself. Rikki and scotty watched soa tonight.
I hate him yet some points of my days I’m daydreaming about him.. I don’t care.
Do not misread these words.
I promise on my own open diary. I am DONE.

Done.

Mark my words. I’m turning a new leaf. But I want shawn who will be my new boss on my second job delivering for jrs.. (my favorite bar)

…the one scotty fought me to come back to him.
I’m losing my mind.
I’ve lost myself.
Why do I deserve to go through this?
-L