243. butterflies

 scotty and i argued on thursday. well actually it was more like me arguing with myself. because hes a douchebag and likes to NOT communicate at all. he disappears on me. and i lose my cool in an instant. ive been really rough around the edges with him. ive been holding my tongue a lot.

wednesday night i asked him to come over.. expecting him to sleep with me and stay the night.. but he watched a movie with me like i asked.. and then asked me to take him home. no play. he knew i was pissed. all i really wanted was to get laid.and that didnt happen. when i dropped him off he kept grabbing my face to kiss me to make me at least a little less pissy and told me not to worry that hed be at my house before i went to work to make up for it.

thursday i woke up at noon. had work at 4. he wouldnt answer the phone at noon.. at one.. or two.. so as the hours went by my texts towards him were getting worse and worse. more sad than mean. like WTF dont blow me off.

he refused to respond the entire day.. throughout my entire shift.. i was so fucking pissed i deleted his number out of my phone. and decided to make plans to drink with my drivers after we closed the store. i had told ben and dan about scotty avoiding me and how he tempts me to leave him alone.. the constant on and off switch.. ben told me he would take me out to the bar to cool off.. after dinner rush i asked dan to join us.

ben decided to take me on his bike to the bar.. motorcycles freak me out.. i was clinging to ben and dan followed us in his car.. i had left my car at home. we get to the bar and start drinking.. having fun.. then scotty texts me asking me for vicodin since his tooth was bothering him.. gee.. after all those times you couldve responded you only text when you want something.

we didnt argue but our texts werent at all interesting.. we could both tell we were acting stupid. but my dumbass found him vicodin.. so dan and i drove all the way to bens to get it.. then i got in my car and drove it to scotty.. as soon as i pulled up scotty was bummed that i didnt take dan with me. whatever. then scotty wants weed. and im like WTF man. i was JUST with DAN. 

so i drive all the way to dan.. and then dan was bummed out asking why scotty wasnt with me.. and im like WOW DUDE FUCKING EXCHANGE NUMBERS AND DO IT YOUR DAMN SELF

drive all the way back to scotty.. mind you its 4am by now. we smoke and he asked me if i was home alone. and i told him yeah.. he told me he was planning to see me around 2pm but since i was talkin shit to him and whiney about it he just didnt want to deal with it.

we sat on his porch and passed a blunt back and forth.. and as he was telling me he cant be with me being so paranoid and blah blah blah.. i started talking about breaking up. in that "im about to cry but im not actually going to cry" voice. oky thats a lie a few tears came down because i really really thought we were just gonna be done with it.

he was laying out his case and how he feels and whats on his mind and him and i are the last things on his mind and he shouldnt have to worry about us and blah blah blah.. his kids.. his court.. his drama.. his job.. blah blah blah.

when he said that him and i were the last thing on his mind i took it the wrong way.. and said then we should break up if we dont matter to you. he got all pissy and said some smart ass shit. like what the fuck ever linda this is the shit im talking about.. "IVE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH SHIT ALREADY I DONT NEED ANYMORE TO DEAL" and then.. my line.. "uhh ive just went through a TON of shit I dont even have the balls to talk about to ANYONE.. except you and my diary."

then he got quiet. and remembered my hell of a nightmare.our hell of a nightmare.. =[

it still makes me so sad. i laid out my case.. and we talked about breaking up or staying together. i told him i cant handle being ignored like that.. and he understood. so that was our big fight quickly resolved.

so after our conclusions he told me hed drive his moms car to my house to sleep with me.. and hed meet me there.. i watched tv waiting for him at my house and he finally got there.. he knew i was still weird after that huge fight and the sex shit.. so he instantly stood in my way and kept telling me that he shaved and asked me if i wanted to see.. so i covered my eyes trying to watch the tv and ignore him.. but he always wins of course and we start getting it on all over my house.. from chasing me around my living room to my bed room and fucking me hard.

he claimed to get off but for some reason i didnt believe him. idk why.. maybe.. it was just different. his reaction was just off. plus he usually doesnt cum after we argue. or are too stressed out. he said he was trying to get out of work to sleep with me.. it was 530am now. and if he was going to sleep with me his moms car had to be back and hed have to call off work. so i just told him to go.. i dont feel like fucking driving everywhere.

he still kept kissing me blah blah trying to make shit happen and me fall asleep peacefully. he kissed my forehead and said hes going to work. he started walking towards the door and he came all the way back to my room to tell me he loves me and things will get better between us we just had to stay strong.

…yeah i know even i was shocked i opened my eyes to make sure i wasnt dreaming.

i was happy.. and fell asleep.

then comes friday..

and my gosh that day is jam packed with filthy slutty stuff.. i will have to update tomorrow. i am exhausted.. goodnight friends

-L

recap soon