217. so much to update

… where to start. I have no idea. But to make things easier.. here is what my next huge update will be on.. then ill write about each one when I get home from up north tomorrow.. since I have a day off.

Scottys brother

Sexcapades

The losing streak

Rikkis fat mouth that just doesn’t shut up

School

Pizza drama

Up north weekend

Cocaine

And last but not least me overanalyzing everything

I seriously need to chill out with being so paranoid that scottys going to cheat on me with rikki. And I told myself a million times that if I ever won the war I need to cut that bullshit out. But my stupid ass still reads her facebook. I stopped going through his phone. And doing that I get rewarded and he even reads off the conversations they have to me. So I realize when I stopped doing that shit he tells me what I WOULD be snooping for.

But the facebook.. is such easy access of my amazing brain that I can’t help myself to read what that bitch is up to.

A part of me feels like she’s posting the shit on purpose because she knows I read it. Like she’s putting on a show. Because when she puts hearts and shit and talks about “BD” I fucking flip out if he isn’t in my presence and if I’ve already called him and he hadn’t answered.

But just recently I read her facebook since I’m 4 hours away and I was calling him all morning and texting. And he actually texted back. But he lied.. I’m assuming he lied because he said sorry he was sleeping which I know he can sleep like me doesn’t matter what time it is we can go to sleep and nap whenever. But her facebook said out to eat with her “loves” which is children and of course him. I’m NEVER paranoid when the kids are around. My paranoia kicks in when she tries to get him alone. And I fucking KNOW she tries that shit because I’ve read the psycho text messages of pawning off their kids to someone so they could spend time getting back together. Ya. FUCK THAT I will have 5 rikki cows if that shit happens. And I will have 5 rikki cows all over him. Like he would probably strangle me id flip a fucking lid so hard it isn’t even funny.

My problem is is that I expect the worst. And he’s still showing me up. But I still think he lies here and there about shit. But scotty has changed since how he was before. When the cunt lived with him everything was pretty blatant to my face but I didn’t care and swallowed the shit because I wanted him so bad. Now that I actually have him and she’s chasing him harder than ever.. I feel like she’s trying to fuck with me by all this shit. I don’t effing know all I know is damn near every scenario imaginable goes through my head on a daily. And shit was I not prepared for it. It almost feels like I signed a contract. But I didn’t. To get you all hooked marriage and living together has been coming up a LOT. And not the actual hey we should get married shit.. but just in general.. marriage. This shit cray. The living together scotty was talking to me about our income and what we can afford. GTFO. See moments like that I’m like oh yeah he’s all mine like I finally got him finally. Like gold medal shit. I fucking won. And then when he’s working or goes to pick up his kids.. I’m like waiting for that small ass lie so I can pounce on that shit hard as fuck and bring the wrath of an evil fucking bitch. This guy has driven me actually insane. For the most part I’m good. Just the sad ass scantless flaws fuck me up sometimes. I should stop rambling. I love you all.

And this shout out is for shimmers. You know how awesome of a chick you are. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met I look up to you so much. Don’t stop writing. For real.

-L