211. quick update =]

after reading my last few entries ive realized that I haven’t mentioned to any of you that i.. YES ME.. have retrieved Rikki’s facebook password.

now if some of you dont remember.. i had made a fake facebook a very long time ago to read her comments since I blocked her and her shit was private. i posed as a guy.. (a really hot guy.. random picture I found) and added her as a friend and she took the bait.

ive been reading her status’ ever since i made that facebook.. this was a good way for me to target scottys lies if he ever did lie to me. sadly this facebook was also deteriorating my happiness after scotty and i broke up so he could be with rikki and shit.

but now that scotty and i are exclusive and official.. rikki shut his old phone off which he happened to drop so its a POS now. he got himself a blackberry around his birthday (04/22). when he got the blackberry he’s been using his old POS to get numbers out of.

one day while he was working I was cleaning out my car at the car wash and I found his old POS. I sat there in my dirty uncleaned car for two hours reading her text messages.

the overall conversation in the messages were over 200 texts long. It went pretty far back.. to even when we were broken up and not talking in that long month. i started from the most recent and read backwards to where him and i started talking again. and to my surprise I was clearly expecting to find texts that would break my heart.. but HOLY shit was I wrong.

my whole perspective of rikki from possibly being an innocent female who really would just rather love scotty and treat him right for the sake of their children has completely changed. she doesnt love him. shes using him. of those 200 text messages scotty replied to her twice. one said “fuck you were done” and the other one said “it cost me a G to get you out of my life.. WELL WORTH IT” (he’s talking about his bond after the car chase)

the rest was all of her talking.. these messages she was writing were absolutely pathetic.. now all of these texts take place before and after the car chase..

BEFORE the car chase she was demanding him for money so she can go out with her friends.. she was yelling at him to answer the phone.. she was telling him all of this disgusting shit and bashing him through text messages.. but then quickly would clean up her shit and say come home and watch a movie with me.. shed complain and complain and fucking complain.. and the worst part of all of it shed BITCH about their daughter.. to the fucking max. i understand if you have children that drive you up a wall.. but i really dont blame scotty for wanting to choke the fuck out of this bitch..

now AFTER the car chase text messages is where it gets funny. she claims shes heartbroken.. and she even wrote “you go fuck your whore in a hotel room when you know shes sleeping with the pizza boss” talking about my manager. GTFO!

at this point of reading I decided I am not going to tell scotty I went through his phone. well i wasn’t going to tell him anyway for the sake of him knowing i completely trust him. which i don’t completely trust him.. but as time goes by its getting there. i have my reasons not to trust him fully.. and im sure you all whove read me for a long time no way.

theres no doubt in my mind that scotty and rikki were having sex while he would sneak around with me. i know they did. and since i wanted to know so bad.. ive even asked him. expecting him to lie.. he didn’t he told me the truth and said yes.. now i was outraged that he told me the truth simply because im disgusted with him why he would do that.. but i am not in his shoes.. and his brain is probably really shaken up from all of the drama that has happened.

another piece of this whole texting thing is that she BEGGED him back. after all of the cheating the car chase.. the bail money.. the harassing.. she told him to get his head out of my ass.. she told him im sleeping with everyone at work.. and this comment specifially made me laugh “aww you and your bitch get another room tonight? how cute”.. after all these texts.. not even 10 minutes later it went to “scotty please talk to me face to face.. lets talk on the front porch like old times..” ” i dont understand scotty please just give me another chance.. im worried about michael.. we always get through this.. i forgive you.. just give me another chance”

oh no no no honey that aint gonna work this time. after reading through this phone in the car wash.. i was still going through it and scotty called me a few times.. now my mood was a little off because this bitch is on my mind. so he immediately asked what was wrong.. but i caked my attitude over with some sweet shit that threw him off..

i hate lying to scotty but since we’ve been in this relationship after the car chase.. ive noticed myself holding back a select few things. i literally step back and think should i say this out loud? should i say this to him? no just let that go.. no ignore that shit.

so he has no idea.. and even though half of me wants to tell him i went through the phone.. i ran into her password.. WHILE she was trying to get scotty back she wrote “I swear im not fucking with Josh I would never fuck with josh.. log into my facebook and read the conversation”

i was floored when i seen her password.. and of course the first thing I do is long into that shit.. now.. when i logged in to her facebook scotty wasnt on the phone he was working.. so i sat longer in this car wash.. to be honest. i left the car wash without cleaning at all because I had to get home and dig.

typing about this now makes me want to kick my ass for doing that.. i should not NOT NOT do this to him because its just putting more bullshit in my head.. which is why i stopped going on my fake facebook.

but now I got access to all of her conversations all of her messages.. EVERYTHING.

fuck yes i read it. i read it every god damn day. shame on me i know. but I have to know this bitches next move before she acts.

and i found even MORE dirt than I expected. I absolutely despise rikki. I know more about her than scotty does. I know the truth about her. this girl is 23. my age. shes fucking a 19 year old male. getting high off SOME drug she never mentioned..

and when I read this “i think ima get scotty to pay child support so i can get money to go out.. when he picks up jaz ill just tell him to give me 100 so i wont take him to court”

i was HEATED. but the worst part is is that I CANNOT hack her facebook.. because I want access until I feel its safe to stop reading.. and i CANNOT tell scotty of what I’m doing because.. it just would fuck him up more. i know it would.

yesterday i came across a conversation that shook me up.. one of her friends has been keeping up with whats going on.. and asked rikki what kind of car I drive..

im pissed.. but theres nothing i can do.. and then rikki told her dark gray with stars in the back.. with a million question marks waiting for her reply.. I waited for her reply also.. but i will never get this reply.. why? because her and her friend that asked the question about my car went out to the bar last night.. so i will never hear that conversation.

im stunned. i absolutely hate hiding this from him.. but he knows everytime he talks about rikki when im in the room i cant sit comfortably or sit still

..

wednesday i picked him up after work and he was telling me how he made rikki angry because he dropped jaz off telling her he had to work.. but he didnt.. he was with me. but hes had his daughter for 6 days out of the week. she was mad because she wanted to go out.. as he was telling me this.. i already knew who she was going out with.. and where she was going.. and how desperate she was trying to force scotty to keep jaz.

all of this info is in my head so i have to watch my words wisely. i like listening to him.. and him and i got a room for the night since we hadnt seen eachother. it was beautiful.. i feel so sad for him though.. i overheard him talking to one of his buddies about what has been going on.. hes shaken up.. he said “im too excited right now.. theres just so much going on.. with kicking rikki out.. and court.. and stop smoking weed.. its just a mess right now”

this hurts me in a way since I know I played some part of distracting him towards me.. i feel so sorry.. i didn’t want any of this to happen to him..

when we were in the room that night i had just got over my YI and finally off the rag after the YI cleared.. so i was horny.. i was sending him crazy text messages while he was working the night before.. he told me he read them and he would definitely take care of me and we had all night..

when he teases me he literally can make me cum 3 times before even pulling his dick out.. he teased me hard so to fuck him up i stuck my tongue out.. it worked and he gave in. ;]

even though that may sound like the best part of the whole night.. it wasnt.. the best part was when he said.. “you know lin.. after all of the bullshit ive dragged you through.. you’re still here with me. i could never find another bitch more down than you.”

he also said.. one more threesome.. and then he said i shouldnt do anymore.. i asked him was this because he wants me all to himself.. he said no hes not jealous blah blah blah..

but why else would he want me to stop threesomes?

scottys in love yall. bout time! =]

i love you all

-L