190. WOW

well im done with dan.. yeah.. fast huh?

i took him to my aunts house to play cards with uncle rich and me. we all got drunk except my aunt. i dropped uncle rich off at home and then followed him back to his house..

we fucked.. but apparently i was too drunk to comprehend what was going on. he texted me the next morning saying something like it was awkward that i was facing the wall the entire time..

WELL MAYBE THAT MEANS I DONT WANT TO BE FUCKED

then i told him that I was sorry.. yeah ME.. I AM SORRY that i was too wasted.. and he ignored me and never wrote back.. so im pretty fucking sure hes done with me too. wtfe.

that was right after i left dan’s house we texted and then he just never wrote back. i had to work at 5 yesterday.. and i havent been eating much lately since im so fucking depressed and cant stop thinking about scotty

so i made this HUGE ass bagel with ham turkey cheese buffalo chicken dip my dad made and toasted it..

i came downstairs to eat and as i sat down i clicked my phone.. my message was purple.. which means scottys phone texted me.. i didnt read it hoping i could get this food down.. three bites in a read it.

s: “r u still runnin your mouth?”

l: no

s: “k”

l: why you want me to?

s: “no smartass”

l: thought so

s: “fuck off”

l: i doubt this is even scotty. yeah hi rikki, awww you missed me. dont fucking text me bitch. i havent called or texted you but you always gotta start shit dont you tubby? got nothing better to do you fat lazy fuck. get a damn job and leave me the fuck alone you jealous ass bitch. GO EAT SOMETHING

s: this is scotty dumbass.

l: no its not dumbass.. prove it chunky

then he called me. i didnt answer. he left a voicemail saying it was him then hung up.

he called me back as i was getting ready for work.. i answered it. at first the conversation was kind of silent. then i asked him where he was.. and he gave me some smart ass comment that he shouldnt tell me if rikki was going to find out.

i shot back with that he can be pissed all he wants but im fucking pissed too of different reasons.

then the conversation turned back to quiet. as im on the phone i said bye to my dad.. and got in my car with him still on the line. still quiet..

i dont remember all of the conversation.. but he said we werent working.. and every time we make a promise together one of us fucks it up. i told him that me being harassed constantly is completely unacceptable. and messing with my head a lot. he asked me what i needed to talk to him about.. and i told him i made up every excuse for him to talk to me.. and hey it worked.

he said he owes to me to talk face to face.. we both told eachother how miserable and stressed out weve been.

after work i got let off early.. then he called me asking for jumper cables.. i got them from work and ran out to save him. he started the van and told me he would be at jeffs.

so i met him there. it was awkward.. uneven.. he was looking for the remote to the tv.. and i was playing with the dog and the cat. he let the dog out and smoked a joint with me..

i asked if i could hug him and he squeezed me. i could smell him. i went home to change and shower.. and came back with some food for me since i was hungry.. i ate by myself.. i laid on him and we watched tv.

rikki was blowing up his phone.. so i just decided to leave. he asked me about saturday which is today.. we both had it off.. he asked when the lions game came on and i said 8. he told me we still needed to talk. which was true. i have a lot to say. i know that.

he said he would call me.. and we would possibly watch the game.. the phone rang again as i was hugging him and i just walked out.. got in my car.. and started it.. then the garage opened and he walked through it.. getting into my car. he kissed me.. and repeated himself again when he was inside talking about today.

wtf? you came out here just to tell me that? he said he wanted a kiss. then made another smart ass comment.. i reminded him that he can be pissed all he wants but im pissed too.

i told him not to fight with me.. because we dont fight in person.. he said he wasnt fighting with me.. trying to cover up the comment.

i know were getting back together. before any of you tell me to run. yeah.. were getting back together.. im sure of it. but i dont think it will be the same. i wont tolerate the harassment.. the psycho phone calls and texts and voicemails.. i wont deal with it.

but we havent talked yet. which im sure he will follow through tonight. but i could be wrong.. were talking about scotty here.

blah.

but who knows.. we might just decide to stop talking.. he can go with his kids and put up with rikki.. while i go somewhere else.. far away from him. and his bullshit secrets.

he may be pissed at me still.. but he has no idea why i am mad.. and hes going to find out tonight.

so we’ll see.

-L