180. date
yes i went on a date.. his name is randy.
he is DROP dead gorgeous. and he kissed me at the end of the night..
but…
i know im going to fuck this up. reasons why?
– i know that if i go with this guy. i KNOW i will not stop sleeping with scotty. scotty and i have done this before.. where he’d call me when im with the guy.. he will play dumb and keep calling me back until im alone.. and then i cave in and fuck him fast then run back home.
– i told scotty last night about the date the night before. and as i expected he said he doesnt care.. which i know he really doesn’t because of this weird thing we have between us. but scotty knows hes the trump card.. he never broke me and another guy up.. but he knows me he knows i would sneak away from any guy im dating and cheat with him. i hate that he has that power.. but its true. he has control over some things.
– i know scotty wouldnt try to get me to leave a new guy. that guy shows no emotion. but he expects me to tell him everything i do with other guys. understandable. we practically are fuck buddies.
– this whole fear i have of scotty leaving me and ill be depressed for too long has wore off. after so many attempts at changing mine and scottys relationship.. theres just no way to change it. it is what it is. and maybe i did lay down a lot for scotty. in the end he still made me happy.
im afraid. i like this guy randy.. hes almost perfect in my eyes… beats scotty by a million miles.. but last night him holding me kissing me.. i got off work and scotty was two hours away.. i drove 110 miles to see him last night.. and did not care.. i nearly ran out of gas.. i panicked a little but i made it to circle k. he told me he couldnt believe i drove all the way out there just to stay the night with him. he knows ive driven way farther to see him for less than an hour. ha.
i think me telling him the truth about everything makes him a small bit territorial.
he woke up in the night to roll over.. he put his hand down my pants and asked me "is this all mine and only mine?" instant reaction said yes of course..
yet.. i might be slipping away into someone else.. still i cant even picture myself without scotty some how in my life.
so confusing.
-L
Hi. I randomed and ended up on your diary. I ended up reading this entry and then going a few back just for background. Your scotty is my Josh and even though it is a fucked up situation and mine is probably much different (we have a daughter together) i can’t help but feel better to know i’m not the only one wanting it to work with someone who is so wrong.
Warning Comment
i don’t understand why he says things like that (asking if it’s only his) but then does stupid sh*t too. whyyyy can’t he just be normal for you? you guys COULD have a decent normal relationship together (still all the craziness included) but no drama of other people or fighting and not talking and yada yada. i am always rooting for the two of you, haha.
Warning Comment
“i hate that he has that power.. but its true. he has control over some things.” He has that power because you give it to him. That’s YOUR choice, not his… But then again, you know my stance on all of this. I hope you figure things out some day. As always, not trying to be critical, just giving my two cents 🙂
Warning Comment
Uuuh!!! BYE Scottie dont!!
Warning Comment
omg :/ i hope your feelings for scotty fade now that randy is here. totally rooting for randy. and besides…wouldnt it be cute if you could say you were randy for only randy? you cant use scotty’s name like that in a sentence. i’m grasping at straws here…my reasons are pretty weak lol
Warning Comment
Just take Randy one day at a time, don’t plan anything, let things work out the way they work out, and do what makes YOU happy 🙂
Warning Comment
id say forget scotty…its time to move on youre sanity would come back if you were in a stable relationship where the guy respected you instead of use you and play mind games with you….gets you drunk, stoned, fuck you and leave…ya scotty sounds like a charmer just sayin…
Warning Comment