161. Get the fuck over yourself.

Well. I believe I’m at that breaking point.

I haven’t mentioned in my last few entries that a fuck buddy of mine in the beginning of the Scotty shit recently contacted me. His name is Charlie.

When I started sleeping with Scotty I still appeared as the lesbian I claimed to be to throw off all of the guys. Charlie always caught my attention. If any of you have been reading me from the beginning when I first kissed Scotty at the euchre party a guy named nick swore up and down he could turn me straight. And then my hair was all messed up from pulling Scotty in the bathroom. Charlie is nicks older brother.

More attractive. Obsessed with guns. Weed. All of my interests. Parties as much as I do. Nice car. He is clearly loaded. He has a daughter he gives as much as he can to. His baby mama is no where near psycho. Charlie is single.

Charlie and I have the same sexual chemistry when we fucked randomly. The only problem was is that I was always running back to Scotty and he had some pathetic whiney girlfriend for certain amount of months. And when he’d get pissed at the girlfriend he’d call me. Every time Charlie wanted to ask me out I was good with Scotty. And when I was bad with Scotty he had a girlfriend and appeared to be happy.

Since he texted me out of the blue recently I’ve warned myself that I shouldn’t see him because it would spark a whole other world between us. And looking at both of our lives currently.. We are finally both single. Well sorta.

((literally Scotty just called me right after I wrote that))

Well last night I was craving weed.. I didn’t have any since Scotty and Richard kept packing bowls and rolling joints. So I went through my phone book sitting at Matthews house. And no one could find any weed. And I must’ve passed charlies name a few times and then I said I should probably ask him.

When I texted him he said not for sale but that I could come over and smoke with him. I asked if I could bring Matthew with me and he said that was fine. I warned him I was sick and in my pjs looking like hell. He didn’t care. And then we arrived in his new place I have never been to before. Sitting there as Matthew is getting along great with Charlie I sat there thinking how I sent Scotty six text messages and haven’t recieved one reply.

Charlie has pounds of weed making two grand a week through all of his side shit. He has time. And most of all him sitting next to me attracted me even more. I knew it would come back. He asked what I was doing tomorrow and I said I was hanging out with him. As Matthew and I left I dropped Matt off at home.. And texted Charlie..

So am I getting fucked tomorrow?

“you can right now if you want.”

I’m sick though and I’d rather dress up more

“it’s all comin off anyway”

I ended up telling him I would be over tomorrow and we would have a few drinks and chill since I haven’t been laid in over two weeks. I need to force myself to move on from scottys nightmare.

Last night after texting Charlie I went to bed and texted Scotty a seventh text message that I was planning myself a lay for today. And I left it at that. Never got a response. Until he called me while writing this entry.

The first thing he asked was what was up with my text messages last night.

I told him that I hoped it would be him but oh well. I put myself in a scenario thinking of Charlie of course but leaving his name out of it. And Scotty knew in my voice I was making up some bullshit. And he went a long with it.

I find it funny how I send a text message like that and then he calls me asking me to explain what I really mean.

Now that Scotty right now is currently “let me call you back” shit. I am noting to you all that I finally think I found a break through. I finally feel like I can move on to someone else. And that’s the thing with me I always find replacements I have to have someone to chase.

I feel like I’ve had enough of waiting enough of being miserable over Scotty. And enough of blowing him off when I get nothing in return.

Get the fuck over yourself L. And fuck Charlie senseless. He’s hot he’s got a bed I can stay the night in unlike scottys cheap hotel rooms that lately I have been paying for.

Now don’t get me wrong. I still am weak for Scotty. But I’m not going to blow Charlie off tonight. I need to get laid. And Scotty can’t do it? Oh well I’m going somewhere else then.

I’m sick of being the moping homey alone bitch all the time sending pathetic text messages hoping he would write back and he never does.

Fuck Scotty.

I’m going to find someone who wants to fuck me. Who wants me around.

Finally I feel like something is working in my favor.

And I actually am surprised he called me asking about that text. And he’s probably not going to call me back all day.

Whatever I’ll be occupied getting laid. Should I put my phone on silent? I have never ever missed a call from Scotty.. Haha.

I feel better already. I’m excited. I feel like I can fall back to where Charlie and I started. One of us was always unavailable when the other wasn’t.

Now.. Forcing myself to get over Scotty. This is the only way out I can see. I’m not strong enough to leave Scotty on my own. I need a huge push.

-L