141. whore

im pissed. i told myself and becky and joe that i knew i was going to get wasted and for me to somehow fly over to them because i knew once i got wasted with mike.. he would get me to come home with him.

and thats exactly what happened. got fucked up.. told me we were smoking weed inside.. go inside. and got fucked.

whats worse is that before we got there we had a huge conversation about us. and that hes sorry. and the first time he told me he loves me.. and fell in love with me when things between us were so good. i cried driving him home.

we were both wasted. i remember him showing so much emotion to me.. and then he kept saying hes in love with me. i told him i hated him for dumping me and ripping his 4 year old son away from me completely.

the tears ended up stopping and he was kissing me at red lights.

when we were at the bar scotty called me.. mike and i were with my uncle rich. scotty called me to see what i was doing.. so i told him i was with richard.. so he asked to talk to him.. i was already drunk at this point.. then when richard was talking to scotty rich said his name.. mikes face grew angry. i never told mike i was seeing scotty still.

but what pisses me off is that on our way to his house he was confessing to me how he loves me.

for so long i wanted him.. i was going to leave scotty for him. and he took a giant shit on me. fuck that.

i knew he was trying to get laid.. im angry i slept with him i tried to hold off sleeping with mike again for so long. grrr.

im getting the house to myself all weekend. im super excited to be by myself.. no parents. finally.

i dont want to be with mike. yeah hes a great guy with an awesome son. but i dont want him anymore. what bothers me the most is that he has a really small dick. it urks the fuck out of me. i can’t stand it. and hes got hair.. everywhere.. everywhere. in the beginning when i liked him a lot i didnt care.. i just wanted him.. but now.. after he fucked me over.. i threw all my feelings for mike out the window and picked up the feelings i have for scotty.

its just fucked. i dont want mike.. and he can really benefit me. but right now. i like being single. i do. i dont need occasional random ex fucks. i dont want to sleep with anyone really.. even though im leaning on scotty still.. im glad im still free in some way with him.. i did let a few things go.. like speaking up and not avoiding what i want to say to scotty.. or mike.

ugh so fucked uppppppp.

-L