137. bound to you

bound to you- christina aguilera. if you dont want to listen to the song then please read the lyrics.

that song. is completely how i am feeling.

scotty and i bought a pack of magnums. the night after the bar (last entry).. i got scotty in my bed. he stole my side. we kissed and then he slowly went down on me. i was shocked.. i didnt expect it at all. he never went down.. he came back up kissing me.. he fucked me sideways.. i finished.. we laid there.. then out of no where.. he went down again.. i took a pillow and covered my face with it. he laid back down pulling me on to him.. i rode him.. we had a condom we just never opened it.. when i rode.. he told me to get off that he was going to cum.. i didnt get off. and he didnt fight me off. he covered me up and hugged me. we fell asleep..

since then he has been calling me everyday..

wednesday he was house sitting his boss’ house. he called me after i got off work. and i went over there.. i planned to party with becky and joe from work.. i asked scotty to come with me.. it took me a minute to get him to agree.. we went over there came back around 2am.. he blew up an air mattress for us to sleep on.. we were eating taco bell.. when we laid down we argued. jessica has been texting scotty for a while.. but he hasnt responded to her.. so it upset her. i told him to go do whatever. we argued laying there together.. just fighting. i offered to leave but i was drunk so he said no.. and told me to just go to sleep. i won the fight when he gives up. i always win. we fucked.. hard. i was drunk so i asked for pain. i just wanted to feel something.. i woke up naked.. feeling better. feeling sore.. he fucked me for two hours that night. but he never finished.. i couldnt move my legs.. i only remember that. i came a lot. the pain felt good..

my car was fucked up.. bad rotors needed new brake pads and my A/C needed to be fixed.. coreys dad did that for me. havent seen or heard from scotty but he still calls me every day.

ive been busting my ass working. and i have a date tonight.. he is super cute. his name is randy. and were going to the movies..

i DO love scotty. but i need to move on. him and i arent going to be together. he broke my heart. im using him for lays. i know i can get laid pretty much by anyone i want. but i am so used to scotty i dont want to start all the way over feeling self conscience immediately racing to put clothes on after fucking. scotty was just perfect. hes seen all of me and weve done everything. hes never made me feel unwanted in the bed room or even embarassed. our sex just fit.

i havent told a soul around me besides marisa in toledo and my best friend that im still seeing scotty.

i am nervous. but im trying hard not to stress so much. i want this date to go well. i just want to break free of this scotty shit.

im almost sick of hearing his name.. sick of typing his name.. just sick of him. yet i love him.. and being around him.. im all smiles for the most part.

its hard breaking off of him tho.. i really REALLY hope.. this date goes well tonight.

speaking of which i should go get ready.

-L