Gossip Girl

There I was, relaxing on my balcony this morning, enjoying my cup of coffee and morning paper when news of my work punishment got out.

I was making the microphone become a penis that some politician in the newspaper was speaking into when Stu yelled across the way, "How’s therapy, you crazy bitch?"

I like adding sexual flare to headlines and then leave the paper for the elderly German lady downstairs. It is her paper, I’m stealing every morning, after all. She may pretend to be an old Nazi grouch, but I hear the chuckles. I’m no fool.

Stu is my narcissistic neighbor whom I’ve lived next to for three years now. He also happens to be one of the biggest man whores in Oregon. Regardless of his overactive penis, I love the shit out of this guy for entertaining me. The stories of his sexual escapades beat any sitcom.

Anyway, turns out he fucked one of my co-workers last night and she spilled the beans regarding my mishap at work, not realizing that I not only lived in the same complex as Stu, but that he’s also my little Gossip Girl. Of the 13 girls that work with me, he’s managed to screw six. But alas, it’s only July. I’m sure he can round out another 4 before the year is up.

This particular floosy is the new girl Rick hired last month. Honestly, I’m surprised it took a month for her to find Stu’s bed seeing how she gave Rick a BJ during her interview. Not judging.

The look on her face was pretty priceless however, when she came stumbling outside, half naked looking for Stu and saw my amused face grinning back at her. I almost felt bad for Blondie. At least the girl has a sense of shame.

Tonight’s shift should be interesting.