Goblin Valley, the Mother Land

What better place to celebrate Halloween than none other than Goblin Valley state park, right? See, my dad’s best friend Richard lives in Utah (don’t hold it against the obese man…tough economy calls for shitty relocation). 

Anyway…my dad’s been doing amazing (praise Jeebus) so a few days before Halloween, he got this wild kick to take a road trip. Who better to visit than Uncle Richard (or Dick as I call him). Since I’ve never been to Utah in my life, I had to do some research. Turns out Dick didn’t live too far from this place called Goblin Valley. Bad ass right? 

I could drone on about it, but I’ll just post pictures and you can see for yourself.

Behold…Goblin Dick. I tried telling Uncle Richard that they made a statue to honor him, but he said there wasn’t a big enough rock to symbolize his name. What an egotistical fuck. It’s why I love him.

A less perverted picture of me at Goblin Valley. Note my beer can, bottom middle. Just as an FYI…Utah beer SUCKS.

Crystal, Me, and Zack hiking. Crystal and Zack are Dick’s kids (twins). ……Why, you may ask, do I look like a handicap henchman? Because fuck you, that’s why.

Post de-pantsing Zack. Really, it wasn’t hard a job since he wears his pants half way down his ass anyway. Despite his idiotic wardrobe, shitty tattoos and inability to hold his liquor, he’s a pretty decent guy. 
 

Me, Crystal, and her girlfriend Amanda. A man, da (I can joke about dikes because I love queers).

Amanda’s ass (she dropped her beer climbing up. it suffered a miserable fate, but I’m sure the Goblin Gods thanked her for her offering) and Crystal. Yes, Crystal is in fact a dike. Yes, they exist in Utah. And yes, she could kick your ass.

Posting pictures took far greater effort than I cared to do. So I’m ending this entry. May the force be with you, you blog goblins.