Ephiphany *cue music*

I woke up this morning to Dart licking my feet (god damn it). Took a hit. Got in the shower. Had an epiphany (where all my epiphanies happen). Fuck THIS, I told myself.  Fuck this shower in this fucking apartment. Fuck drinking my coffee and smoking my joint while I scribble on the newspaper. Fuck avoiding the German lady through the halls. Fuck work. Fuck coming home to left over Chinese food and having staring contests with my dog. BOOOOOOOOOOM.

it was a bit like that scene in American Beauty where Kevin Spacey is wanking off in the shower, proclaiming it to be the highlight of his day. Yeah…it’s A LOT like that.

So I’m leaving. But to where…hmmm..

….maybe I’ll let "Fate" decide. I’m adding "darts" and "map" to my grocery list.

All I know is I need to get out of Oregon. I love this state, really. It’s chill. But I’m tired of looking at it. I’m tired of my life. As I write this, I am realizing that I am an impulsive pot head with a short attention span. But I have nothing here.

Ronnie is gone.

Dad is gone.

Reagan may as well be gone.

Nothing is amusing anymore. My apartment looks stale. I’m on the fence as to whether my body was replaced with a robot. Going through the motions. But why? 

Granted, if I leave I can’t come back to my job(s). Chaz has been good to work with me on my dad’s death. But I don’t think he’ll accept "bored as fuck" as a reason to hold my job. 

Maybe this is my rebellion. I grew up fast. Went to college. Got my degree. Worked in the real world. Fuck the real world.