A breach in the BFF contract…

For the past two years, Reagan has been riding my ass about dating. She maintains that my interaction with the opposite sex (fucking someone every 4-6 months) does not qualify as "dating". And apparently the Human Centipede guy mentioned in a previous entry does not count. That wasn’t a date…it was fucking nightmare.

So she called me yesterday before her Valentine’s date and this is our conversation (I’m not claiming 100% accuracy as I was, at the time, indulging in my Valentine’s gift to myself: a joint):

R: It’s been a year since you’ve enjoyed some male company!
Me: No…there was that one guy I had sex with last summer.
R: Harlow…
Me: You’re right…I didn’t exactly "enjoy" it.
R: Not fucking, Harlow. I mean as in a date.
Me: Not true..Human Centipede guy.
Long Silence
Me: Okay, it wasn’t a date..
R: Don’t freak out.
Me: What did you…
R: He’s a guy I went to law school with and he’s in your area. He already has your number so this shit is happening.

…what the deuce?! Horse shit ass monkey fucker. You can’t just randomly give out your best friend’s phone number! ….Can you? Well, she did that sneaky little shit.

Now I jump every time my phone goes off.

I need to distribute applications for a BFF. Any takers? I’ll share my weeeeed. 😛

Unexpected Error

February 15, 2012

Awwww I’m totally in on that. Even when I went to Amsterdam people were impressed with my rolling skills so I will totally be your buddy, guy. We can roll beautiful joints all day long and watch TED lectures that blow our minds.

random_deathwish

That is fucked…now you’re stuck with the idea of law school guy. Who could be as disasterous as HC guy, who the hell knows? V_V

skip a beat.

Count me in x

Lose it.

Nothing like a good friend throwing your number out there in the dating pool. Good luck with things.

LowCarb4Life

I LOL’ed at “Horse shit ass monkey fucker.” Fortunately, I did not have a mouthful of chocolate shake at the time.

joshlt

Well give it a try.. Probably will be a disaster but you can blame it on your friend if anything goes wrong

besieged brunette

February 16, 2012

Oh… set ups are awkward. I set up two of my friends once. Total disaster. They’re still together, unfortunately. But I learned my lesson. Maybe he’ll be nice?? Just go on the date totally blazed and then at least, even if it sucks, you’ll still have a good time!

Mr. Mofo

February 17, 2012

I say take the phonecall and go from there. If he sucks just tell him to leave you alone and when he doesn’t, make him disappear.

Mickey Wrangle

i’m a good friend, and i’ll share my weed too. jump in … dating disasters make for good entries. i always like the caveat … kids don’t try this at home, i’m a profesional.

Hellfire

I’m a good friend, send me an app. Added bonus is I don’t smoke so you can keep more for your self. LMAO. I’d be so flippin pissed if someone did that to me. growl. lol

Holy crap. Pretty intrusive there…I knew someone like that once. She tried to set me up with a girl with green gums. Ryn- You’re probably right. I am starved for touch but I think I’m more terrified of it…so I’ll be checking into that secluded cabin as soon as I can.