Before I go berserk…

On the people I love.

This year, I decided to say no more to the soul-crushing, gut-wrenching, absolutely draining charade of holiday dinners with the in laws (parents and sister, with two….kids + whoever SIL is dating/sleeping with at that moment). I said NO, also, hello COVID??

MIL got PISSED and said it was not fair. That we were a family, that her daughter’s kids need all the love they can get to teach them the right “ways.” Tha we “needed” (why???) to meet her daughter’s latest boyfriend.

My counterpoints:

1. Those kids ruined last year’s thanksgiving and Xmas, and birthday parties. They are bad examples to my kids.

MIL’s solution: she will set up a separate dining area (!!!!) just for her and the two kids.

To which I said: what message are you sending MY kids? That misbehavior, rudeness, and lack of respect will get you more grandma time? How will this help??? How do you propose I explain these to my kids, that rules and boundaries do not matter? How do you propose I deal with their resentment for setting expectations and standard of behavior?

2. If you say that I am family, then respect OUR need to set boundaries. We do not agree with your daughter’s idea of leaving her kids with grandparents to sleep around.

MIL’s response: that’s not fair, but we love you, you’re fam. We’re in this together.

To which I said: LOL if you really believed that you’d respect my boundaries

3. My husband (YOUR son, YOUR other child) met the new boyfriend and dislikes him.

MIL’s response: oh, really? I did not know that.

To which I said: we were all at [xxx] together AND he told you about this. Did you choose to forget? [Selective amnesia much?]

MIL’s response: well now this makes sense, I have the full picture.

To which I said: nothing. I can’t and won’t get through anf that’s fine.

To say goodbye, I was told to pray and sleep on it.

To which I said, my mind is made up. DOn’t bring this up again.

Now to make sure my husband stands his ground.