Work and such

Business has been slow at the physiotherapy clinic the past few weeks, and that’s not a good thing. I don’t earn any money if I don’t have clients coming in. That’s just how it is. The owner says that the summer is their slow time. Now, while it’s nice to have days off when you have income so you can afford to enjoy those days off, it’s not so cool to have forced unpaid time off, as it were.

So I’ve been looking for something to either supplement my income or replace it altogether. Right now, I’m waiting for a phone call regarding a massage therapist position that might or might not do the trick. And if it proves to be a good offer and a good position, then I’m probably looking at moving AGAIN, and I’m so tired of moving. I really don’t like it, and even now, I’m not all settled into this apartment because I know it’s not where I’m going to spend the rest of my life. I wonder if I’ll ever have that feeling–the "I’m really HOME now" feeling, where I can feel that I won’t be heading out into the wide world again. I had it in my house to a certain extent, but even then, I had the idea that I wouldn’t spend my dotage there. I’m starting to feel pretty doty right now.

I’m also in a state of indecision regarding my relationship with A. We get along really well, and we always have fun when we get together, but there’s been a shift of some kind toward being more friends than a couple. This time it’s mostly coming from him, and it’s fine, but he doesn’t seem to want to admit that we’re just friends. It’s like he wants to appear to be part of a couple, and be able to tell people he has a girlfriend, without actually being a real couple. It’s hard to explain. We had a long talk a couple of weeks ago, and I told him that his fear of *everything*  (fear of commitment, fear of rejection, fear of confrontation, fear of intimacy…pick something) has bled over into me and now I’m afraid to turn to him when I feel lonely or want company or whatever. He admits to being afraid of everything, thanks to previous relationships, but doesn’t seem to know how to move forward, and it’s frustrating me. I really do like him very much. He’s a good person and kind and has many good qualities, but this (and a few other things that have caused me mild concern from the get-go) has me reconsidering our potential future. I think the best thing is to be friends and leave it at that. I have to stop expecting him to get over however many years of fear, and just be his friend, and #2 Daughter can still be his substitute daughter.

Last Sunday (not yesterday, but last week), the three of us went out all day and had a grand time. We went to Bayswater beach, which is absolutely gorgeous. To everyone’s surprise, the water was beautiful. It’s not usually that warm this early in the summer…it’s generally not until August that the north Atlantic is warm enough to swim in for more than a couple of minutes. We were in the water for probably close to two hours. It was loverly. See, we make a nice family unit from the outside, anyway. LOL.

Of course, if I get this job, if it proves to be a good choice and all that, then I won’t be living in Windsor for much longer, and we’ll see how he feels when I’m not around. I wish the job guy would call!!