Things I Hate Most…

The things I hate most about my life are, how you can make plans to do something. But Something ALWAYS comes up and changes those plans.

I dont know if I’m just not important enough to keep plans with people or if people are just always more important than me.

Say we decide to go somewhere, then we hang out with someone else, all of a sudden..the other people have an idea to do something else. BAM! thats what we’re doing, screw the other plans. I fucking hate that.

And say we have plans to do something all day long, but someone else NEeedssss something. who gets screwed..ME.

whatever.

I went over to my friend lori’s house last night. I only got depressed there. It’s been good not talking to her for 6 months. But thats sad too.

She stopped talking to me and being nice to me and jay when we started dating. things always change.

so she was sitting there bitching about her ex boyfriend. and i just couldnt handle it. and jay was talking to her about it, and there were so many things at the time i could have said, but couldnt because of stuff.

being around her reminds me of being depressed and suicidal. cause she was the one id go and hang out with to get away from that. she never knew about it, but somehow being aruond her always made it go away for a short while.

i just wanted to come home and cry. but jay would have been upset. cause the only thing i could think of that i could say was wrong, is..”I sometimes wish I would have killed myself when I had the chance” but thats not the thing to say to your boyfriend.

anyway, i think im gonna go shower. hopefully he’ll be back soon and we can do everything we planned on. rite….