stupid feelings.

I guess there will always be those days when the only thing you feel like doing is dying. When the only thing you feel you can do is go back and lay in bed, until your sound asleep, or just dead.

Whatever it is inside me, fucking fighting me all this way. I wish it would just died. I wish that I could kill it. Everyone’s right, I dont want to die, but I want this fuckin thing inside me to die.

I feel all alone, and that will probably never change. I know theres people around, I know that people care. That doesnt change anything. well..okay, it does..sometimes.

Whatever right, the other day I was so good. And today I’d like to start digging a hole and burrying myself in it.

I feel like because of me everything is always going to get fucked up. That nothing I want can work, but I know thats not true.

I tried cleaning my room tonight, and I spent like 2 1/2 hours trying to clean it and it just wouldnt get clean. And it is so on my nerves I almost cried. I was so irritated by that. How sad is that.

I have a headache Ive had one all day long. But whatever I will always have a headache. I took like 8-10 aleve..thats good for my body I am sure of it. hah

My dad is going to help me get my new carborator. I fuckin hate that soooo much. I hate people helping me. I dont want them too. But without them I couldn’t do that, and I hate it. So much.

I wish I never had to feel like Im a failuer, or feel like I hate myself. I wish that I could just feel good about everything. I got a 41 out of 50 on my psych test, but for some reason thats still not good enough for me. What is wrong with me.

I dont even feel like saving this. But wahtever, I dont care anymore. Im sad, Im tired, wore out, alone. I feel bad posting it because I feel bad for people around me who have to read it and know how Im feeling. Id rather just pretend that I am okay.

I wish no one ever had to know me. It would save a lot of other people hurt and stuff. Im sorry.

I’ll be fine again. Another off day, I dont like these days. This weekend I can sleep all weekend, and that will be good. I need it.