pretending.

Ive gotten really good at pretending things arent bothering me.

I dont even know how to show my real emotions anymore. I think that sometimes I am showing them, but I dont know I am. Its weird.

I got a job. I work in a Lawyers office, doing mail, filing, computer stuff. No phones, yay.

Life is really disappointing.

Things that shouldnt depress me do. Today, was just a bad day. I woke up from a dream of bugs crawling all over me, it was nasty and scary. I waiting for my friend to call, but he never did. I got ready to go to work, couldnt find my shirt. Driving to work, amanda wants lunch, so I have to stop at a busy ass Wendys and get her lunch, left work 45 minutes late..still didnt finish all my work, came home wanted to go to the mall but no one would go with so I went alone, and shopped for 3 hours..the most depressing shopping trip ever..nothing fit at all.

I came home and my friends called me looking for Allan, like I know where the fuck he is, Im not with him all the time. They asked me to come over so I said Id think about it. Then allan called, we talked about nothing for a while, then he told me to go get something outta my mail box.

Well, yea. It was a letter, we’re not going to talk about what was in it. I showed it to lori, she said that it was really strange, because of some things he told her 2 days ago.

But whatever, lifes life.

My room is feeling really cold. And last week I thought I heard a mouse in here, and last night when Allan was here we both heard it, he looked under the couch but said there was nothing. I heard it again, I dont like mice. I almost cried.

I feel really blah. I dont like it. I want to listen to my music, but it will allow me to be depressed.

I went to loris, this kid joe was there who I hate. He said something asshole-ish and I told him to fuck off so he said he was going to fuckin drop kick my ass and I told him go ahead. So mike came over and jumped right on my fuckin side and sat there. dumb boys.

I came home cause I was hungry, and tired of being over there. I need to take my medicine for my stupid sick self. and I need to take it with food. so yay, I can go to bed soon.

only to wake up to another boring day. lol. but tomorrow night, we’re going to see a movie and then going clubing with this guy dwayne. im hoping to get as drunk as i can. I cant wait.