more vodka.

this time with jack d. (cant spell that word, and im not going to attempt to either).

whats wrong with people. i think ive messed up big time with my life.

i always let things, and helped things happen that shouldnt happen, and i always feel like shit because of it.

its hard to sleep without someone next to you. *sigh* im alone tonight. not that i havent been alone. but im home early today.

usually i come home at like 6:30-7am, and i bring my friend with me. and then they just spend the day sleeping, like me. and i feel safer, not so alone.

and lori is mad, because i need to talk to someone about some shit thats happened, and i cant, and i wont. i tried, they wouldnt answer so whatever.

i could have had my friend stay over tonight, but whatever.

i was not okay tonight. everyone knew that. lori was drunk off her ass, alan was the only one not drunk, not a suprise really, he doesnt drink much. only that one night with me..yea.

well, lori told me i looked sad and she didnt like me sad and she wanted me to cheer up. but there was just so much bothering me.

alan calls our group of friend lazy, mike is the laziest, im the next..cause i dont have a job. and then theres him, chrissy, and lori. oh well i dont care. yes, im lazy..thats it exactly.

ive never gotten depressed while drunk, and this is a first for me. how sad. no way..i dont want to be a depressed drunk. lori was very depressed tonight, as was mike. and i think alan may have been too. i would have asked him, but i couldnt speak.

stupid feelings.

oh well, its 5:30 am. yesterday we got home at 6am and i just stayed up cause i had to wake up at 9 and we watched a movie n stuff. then i just never got a chance to sleep. so im going on almost 24 hours of no sleep. although alan made me take a half hour nap yesterday. lol.

ugh. stupid people in my life.

im tired, and sobering up. and realizing once again how alone i am, and how soon i have to wake up, realizing all my friends are drunk and lazy.

i guess im just like them.