Marriage

I feel like since we have moved here, on base, that I have been more lonely than I have ever been.

My husband seemed to change at basic and training, he isnt the same person. I feel so alone. I dont have family, only 1 friend. And that friend is going to be moving soon. *sigh*

My husband is always out drinking, and if he isnt out drinking then he is at home drinking. Im so tired of alcohol. I cant stand it, I cant stand the smell or the taste. blegh.

I just want my husband back,. the nice husband. I feel so alone. Like my marriage isnt really the two of us, its just me. I pretty much do everything.

Every single day he says "I need time with the guys" when the FUCK do you need time with your WIFE. I have never heard him say he needs time with me. He thinks that whatever night that he doesnt go out, and he is asleep on the couch/sits on the computer all night long/ or plays video games all night long, he thinks that is spending time with me. I fucking hate it.

We went to my friends BBQ today, so out of the whole month thats the ONE thing he could say we did together. And he names quite a few times he went out with the guys. and of course he saw NOTHING wrong with this.

I just want to bang my head again the wall. Im so fucking done. I cant  argue about it anymore its driving my fucking crazy. I cant plead my case one more time, I cant cry when he isnt home at 2am. I cant do it. I give up.

I told him tonight he needs to put the effort he puts fighting about going out with the guys into our relationship and he got all mad. "theres nothing wrong with our relationship how dare you say that"

There is an Air Force ball my friend and her husband are going to. Obviously silly, but at the same time kind of romantic to be able to go with you wife/husband I mean how many married couples get to go to Ball’s? And I mentioned it and before I was even finished with the sentence he said "NO" whatever. I got a crappy husband.

He deploys in November, or January *sigh* It could be good or bad. Maybe he will come back better, but chances are things will be worse.

I feel so alone. I feel so overwhelmed by everything I have to do all the time. Meanwhile, he gets away with do absolutely nothing.