this is what you do, you know, you break hearts.

so the ex-lover is like a sweet attachment. he won’t stop telling me he loves me. he came to my house tonight again, just for a few minutes, just to see me and give me a hug. he said he missed me.

he kisses me on my forehead.
he tells me he’ll wait and wait and wait till someday i might go to be with him.
he says, “i love you,” with such a passion.

i can’t understand it. it blows me away.

at least tonight i told him that he knows it can’t ever be. i told him i just can’t feel the way he feels about me. it’s just not in me. i’m not capable of feeling that intense love anymore. not for him, not for anyone. he knows i am married, and he knows i won’t leave my husband.

yet still he texts, he calls, he visits. he came to my workplace today just to stop by and say hi.

and i told him it’s so unfair for him to feel so strongly for me, and for me to not be able to return it, to leave him devoid, to not be able to give him what he wants and needs, because i simply can’t. that i do care about him and love him, but not like he does for me.

i’ve just never had someone love me so intensely, it’s nearly disturbing. it blows my whole world out of my safe bubble.

what an odd week it’s been.