She probably lives in Tahiti

 

 

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Not entirely sure what’s going on in my head at the moment..

 

For One, its only 5 days now until I go to Melbourne, it was to catch up with Dean. Or should I say see Dean, for the first time in 16 years.

 

But I just don’t know.

To start, he has been in Europe now for the past 3 weeks.  We do text every day, but we haven’t talked, just a couple of texts a day.

And in that time I think I have lost interest.

 

 

 

This is my problem.  I loose interest with everything, men, jobs, location, hobbies, and lifestyle lol.

 

I just get bored really quickly.

That’s a whole separate story, & right now I just want to stick with the men side of things.

 

But I’m Having issues articulating myself on this one…

<span style="color: rgb(153, 20

4, 0);”>Let me gather my thoughts..

 

 

 

Dean….

I am starting to feel like I had found interest in Dean, just because it’s a possibility of a long term relationship.

 

I know… that I never just want to settle for that.

I knew him, had memories of what we used to be like togther, but this is 16 years later, a lifetime later, and I saw it as us being completely different people now…

 

But there are some new things in Deans personality / mannerisms that ring major alarm bells.

 

The biggest one being his complete lack of trust, insecurity,  bordering on immaturity.

 

For instance, he might text me, I might text back saying “I’m out, I’ll call / text later”… he will straight away text back something along the lines of who I might be with, and what I might be doing..

ie: “I guess your busy with other guys”

 

The sort of messages you read and think… “huh? Wtf?”

 

This has happened a few times now.

 

And other things along the same lines.

 

<span style="color: rgb(153,

204, 0);”>Like I went out one night a couple of weeks back with 2 guys from work, told Dean, and got a “ don’t talk to too many boys” text back, I said “ I’m out with guys, so that’s going to be hard”

He gets shitty, tells me he’s can’t be important to me, that I am obviously looking for someone else… etc.

 

And when I blow up, which I always end up doing… and tell him how much that fucks me off, or how it makes me feel, he doesn’t do anything to change it.

Like if you do something, and your partner tells you that it hurts/upsets/annoys them, you don’t normally keep up the behaviour… do you?

 

This is definitely killing it for me.

 

Something has happened in his life that’s giving him major trust issues, and look at me, my last bf either did, or tried to fuck at least 6 other girls that I personally know of while we were together, you would think I would be the one with major trust issues, yet I have never ever thought of saying anything to him.

Meh, I just know this is not normal.

And to keep it up when it makes the other person really angry and or upset, well that isn’t normal either.

 

The first time I thought it was sweet, that he liked me and was jealous.. but then it started fucking me off, like he thinks I am fucking every man in this small town.

 

Yeah, after writing this down, I am pretty set that nothing is going to happen.

He arrives back tomorrow or the next day, so I will deal with it then.

I even lied to him already about what time I arrive, I would just rather hit the shops.

 

I thought about cancelling, but then I thought of how much I have struggled these past 6 months with losing my job, and being financially strapped, and then I thought fuck it, go to gorgeous Melbourne, and spend some money..

 

 

<span style="font-famil

y: Monaco;”> 

 

On another note, I am being to re-think about going to Sydney in Sept, I think I am going to go to Melbourne.

I love Melbourne, it has so much more soul, and although Caedy will kill me, I can fly between Melb & Sydney on Tiger for a pitiful $28.

It means, having to start completely from scratch, friend wise, and job wise, but its all do-able.

There are a million jobs in Melbourne, I am looking every day, and looking at rentals as well.

Have talked to mum about it, either way she is coming for he road trip to either Melb or Syds.

 

Melbourne is feeling a lot more positive in my heart and soul, than the idea of going back to Sydney.

And I heart Fitzroy, Richmond, St Kilda, Melbs is just much more me.

 

Anyway, gotta go..

Its breakfast date with Mum… in the morning

 

 

Kip

 

 

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