Bubbletoes

 

 

Its all good, I’m alive.

Sorry, I ran out of internet connection, and I was umming and arring over it…

But yes, I am back and here and fine, still bruised and oh so sexily scabby.But fine.

My scooters scarred but.
For life.

I was wickedly sore the next few days, and felt like an old woman.
Never found out the name of my angels that pulled me up and into the shade and restarted my bike for me… and went to the cops to report the ass that pushed me off the road.

Anyway…. whats happened in FNQ to tell you.

Its real quiet… I forget just how quiet Port gets in the off season…

On that basis, I have indeed given quiet alot of thought as to what my plans might be this coming year.

I hate the idea of making plans now as are they are usually redundant, but I am "thinking" about heading back to Sydney once my lease is up and the busy season is tapering back to being shit-house again..

The problem with Port is that there are no permanent jobs, 90% of them are casual, and I can’t live just being casual.
I wanna buy a Mini, go on holiday, buy stuff I want to buy.

I am really missing my friends heaps, and just the life-stlye, the city, the food,the things to do. 
I hate not being able to buy what I want here, or having to travel for an hour to get it. 
I love the weather, but really  its only the winters that are completely perfect, but in winter you are so run off your feet, you can’t enjoy it.

I think I am going to work my arse off over the busy season, and bugger off in early Sept, back to Syd.
I can get a job there as a pleb, and be earning $20,000 more a year than what I would earn here, as soon as you go over that QLD border, wages die in the ass… lol.

Ports done what it needed too, I’m mostly healed, I spent alot of time reflecting and I am feeling awesome, shed alot of what I thought were "my" issues, but realized that alot of them stemmed from the relationship I was in. 
You know its really hard to be expressing happiness when you are aware that the person your are completely in love with is cheating on you, or in the least, trying to cheat on you and lying to you every which way..

I told mum, thinking she would be upset as she goes on about how nice it is to have me close and lalalala, but she was cool, saying she wanted to get out of Port and have a little adventure of her own…Not sure where she will go, but that’s awesome.

On another tangent, I have officially been asked to be "best manlady" at a gay wedding to be held in Paris in 2011.
I am super excited… Not just to be the best "person" … but at a gay wedding, don’t think I’ll be going to too many of those.
My awesomest friend Caedy has been with her girlfriend Heidi for 10 years now…
And they are getting hitched.
Woooop… uber excited to be part of the lesbo clan… lol.

God I hope I met a guy by then… I might be in danger of turning.
Lol… Just kidding…

Still have a couple of guys in the background, but to be honest… I haven’t gone out of my way to do much about it.
Not for any good reason either… just…
I dunno, I just haven’t… lol

I hate to be the one to admit it, but I miss Ike… I’m not sure exactly what it is that I miss… there have been times where I have thought there’s things I’d like to talk to him about.

Things happen that I think he would just get.

Wanted to tell him about the croc they captured in Berry Springs…
Wanted to tell him about a cocker I saw & Mo went ape about till he realized it wasn’t George.

And man… I miss that dog.  Its unreal how much I miss that dog. 

Yeah…
Its not healthy to miss him… lol.
Ike I mean,  I don’t ever miss him as a boyfriend, just as a mate… we did share the same humor and alot of likes & dislikes.
And I truely loved him, with all my heart.  Its the first time, and only time I think I have have ever truely truely loved someone that way.  He was beautiful when we first meet…  I’ll leave it at that.

Obviously he completely shattered me. He truely did, not just in one swoop, but over months, 5 months I knew he wasn’t that man I originally met. 
You know its a pity, because I don’t think he had me… the real me for very long at all.
At all.

We have been apart for…. counting….
8 months now.

I should know that without fucking counting, as I am aware everyday that I should be having a baby in about 3 1/2 weeks… .
Fuck… where has that time gone,
And that’s the one thing that still makes me hurt.

But Ports done its job in healing me really well.  I have completely self absorbed myself in hurt and pain and anger and then worked my way out of it again… and watched it trail away behind me.
Just being around old friends, Mum, and never ending sunshine, I have shed, my sadness, my weight, my "disabilities"… maybe that’s why I’m in no rush to jump into another relationship.

I will admit, I am scared that now I am going to have trust issues… and I don’t want to sink back to where I was.
I guess, I will just have to trust,that I will just end up somewhere, with someone, when I am ready for it… But that’s not saying I am not having fun in the process… lol.

So yeah, Sydney… again, third time lucky… who knows

Night Night….

Kiptastic.
XXX