new life

Half an hour past midnight and I do not even have an opening sentence for my personal statement. 
I quit my job.
I went to jail.
I started singing in a band.
I moved back home.
I found a demon hiding inside me.. I tried to befriend it but then he started molesting me so I decided our friendship wasn’t healthy and I am in the process of kicking him out.
I started school again 🙂 I am completly  broke.  I made 6 dollars sewing a button back onto a shirt.  $1.75 went on a tall can of beer for tonight and the rest will go towards 2 gallons of gas.  I haven’t even purchased all my books yet.  I do not even have a parking permit yet.  The stress is making me uncontrollaby restless, this must end by this weekend.  It is looking as though I will be staying at my parents just long enough to get back on my feet.  I cannot exist under strict supervision.  Why? Because it is my nature to rebel and run away. 
Constantly looking over my left shoulder.  The pain from many years past and a fear that feels fresh each time it enters my blood.  The fear never got old.  Fairytale endings are all that float in my skull on good days.  Here at home, i have my unspoken plans of extreme vengeance.  It is just not healthy for me in this house.  I adopt such a negative persona.  Then I regret my thoughts, my words. 
24 years old now.
I will always be a baby compared to you Eddy.  Isn’t it funny? You were my friend and I let you have it good!  Not a day … not an hour will pass I bet that you are not with me.  You the one that saw me come out of my shell.  What a complete mess I was.  A toxic one at that.  I was so broken.
I hope this band helps.  I will find the way to tell my story.  The pain.  The choke.  The death. 
I am alive now
more importantly I am in control and i have a paper to get to.