hello

Hello again old friend and it doesnt fail that i come to you when I need you the most.   I have a counseler and I do not tell her my real life.  Maybe I will today?? Why am I so afraid.  Of being judged.  Why do I assume that I should be judged.  Why am I upset.  Ok I dont like relationships for this very reason.  The idea that I owe them something.  I owe them my actions.  My heart.  My thoughts.  What about what  I want.  I want thier flame, thier passion, thier drive.  Where is it!! Why am I so ungrateful.  Something is not right here.  I am not satisfied.  Why should another meet my requirments to be satisfied?  I think I do need a break.  A reality check really.  Really really I do..

I wonder if my mother would be willing to help me .  I hate this.  Really really I do.  I want to have my hand over my life again. That is not the case.  I want solitude.  I dont care if you love me and I dont care if you hurt.  I dont care if you choose to never take me back.  I need a break.