suicidal relationships

Ok. Josh leaves tomarrow, His girlfriend is here and well she is all emotional. I know Josh is leaving but I can’t see why she can’t look at it like a 2 month vacation. I have to drive her home tonight and I know she is going to break down crying in the car. I don’t do well with weeping people I don’t really know.  This morning I was waken by Lee’s girlfriend who was in tears. I was on the phone with her till noon. Listening to how much of a jack ass my brother is.  He ended up calling me once again while I was trying to sleep this afternoon. So I set him straight and spoke with him a while. Needless to say I have had no sleep and all I have been doing is dealing with relationship issues of others where I really don’t feel I need to be since I have no expertise on relationships. LOL I was telling Lees girlfriend to dump him. See she cries because Lee has complete control. She didn’t go to Prom last year because lee didn’t want her to be around other guys when he couldn’t be there. It’s aweful. He is a spitting image of my father.

Lets see what else. I have been haveing a hard time sleeping as you all know. When I am alone by myself trying to fall asleep I tend to not full blow cry but my eyes tear and I am upset. Usually  I don’t know what is bothering me. Sometimes it is the day or something I think about that is not to friendly to me. My ears are acting up and my bones are bothering me. I don’t feel good yet I know I am fine. Today I thought about sucide. I only thought about it and how it would be accomplished. I don’t think I would and it has been a while since I have had any thoughts. I know that now life is not going to be easy. With both the boys in the military my father wants me to go into the military. I will hear of how I am not doing anything with my life and basically how I am worthless. How I am like my Aunt whom sleeps around to have a place to stay. She had children so she could stay on welfare. He says that is my destiny and I will kill myself before that become my destiny. I want to think that I am destined for so much more. That I one day will be able to help people heal like Jen and have a purpose. Maybe I am destined to be another statistic only time will tell. I don’t see things really looking up. Not with my dad around anyways. Oh well I need to go break up my brother and girlfriend so I can take her home.