I don’t have a say

" “I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”

Well today was no better than the other days but rather just as frustrating. Ruth went to Liz’s today; I guess Liz isn’t doing well as she is scheduled for emergency surgery. I miss Liz and all but I don’t know how I feel. I tried to explain to Ruth that I wanted to talk to her about Liz becoming my teacher. With the other issues that have arisen I wanted to make sure that there would be no hard feelings, that there would be no unexpected surprises, pretty much an open discussion. But she didn’t really want to allow that. First she said that she would just take it back and be my solo teacher and then I got her to go back to allowing Liz to teach but then said I had no choice in the matter. I don’t like that, I don’t like that she wouldn’t discuss it with me rather like a child ( that is that ) attitude and I am trying so hard not to take offense but with what all is going on I feel as though she is pushing all the buttons to get me to walk away. I mean it’s a lot in a short time and hope that it will be different in a few days when hormones have time to mellow out and return to normal though I can’t see how my feelings of wrong doing will change but I don’t know… Hopefully as I do not like the way I am feeling right now, Oh well just do as I am told and leave it alone for now. It doesn’t matter what I think or feel really. I am tired and starting to mumble I think I will write tomorrow when I have more composed thoughts.