Good news!!!

Good news. Mandy and Eugene are getting married  June 11th. They told me today and well they were mean about it.I went over and they told me that they were seperating and calling it quits. I couldn’t believe that they were breaking up… anyways they will be wed soon. It was nice to see them.They both wanted me to go out tonight with them but I couldn’t because of work. Work is interfering with everything. * Sigh* well at least I am only making 40 this week because I came in late and on another day I called out sick.

     Well life is in a whirl wind. Dad is not really talking to me . My mother has no values and well I am discusted and ashamed of her. She has slept with Jerry which is not the problem, the problem is how soon it was after they met, the fact she has no respect for me I feel I don’t even matter. Before she met him we agreed that we would not have any males stay the night or sleep over. Well apperently from what I am gathering she has slept with him and all of a sudden it’s none of my bussiniess. We had and agreement and understanding but because she is the one who became decitefull It;s ok. Either that or the whole value of not having sex in your parents house was not a true value. So either way she is 2 faced for if I had sex with John at the house I would be in the house or you could say that I had sex in my parents house. Either way I would have done what she has taught me was wrong or what she taught as a value. Either way I guess if she can have no values why should I. I could have slept with John over the weekend and yes I actually wanted to but because it was so soon, we were at his house and he had said he wanted to take it slow I stopped him. For respect of all involved. But hell I guess I don’t need to respect anyone and do as I please like she is. I am confused as to where my values lie because I have always tried to watch my mother in that aspect. I have talked to Jerry about it and he agrees with me. So he is going to talk to mom about it. He doesn’t want mom to ruin our relationship and that is what she is doing. He will leave her before he lets that happen. I don’t want him to go but I will have that happen if she continues like this. Right now I have no respect what so ever. She mas will stand on a street corner.

     Lets see,,,,, Josh will not accept Jerry. Even though I know he would love him if he met him. Dad is not talking to me… He won’t really say much to me. He seems really depressed and all. So I have a lot of guilt for likeing Jerry but he treats me like a daughter. Calls me on the nextel ( that he gave me)  LIke today he called while I was sleeping to see if I wanted to keep him company. The other day I was feeling left out and he canceled his plans and took me out for ice cream. He behaves the way my father should have all my life. But then again he never really got to have a relationship with his daughter so he is kind making it up with me as I am not much younger than her. And as for John.Well I really like him. I actually want to be around him, Hold him, kiss him  ( Which is something I always had to force myself to do) Just lay there and let the world pass by. I am trying to keep everything at bay but thoughts of him make me smile. It just feels right. I never knew you could actually like a person like that. I would rather be with him then anyone else. And really forever I couldn’t figure how my friends could want to be with thier boyfriends than out with friends. I understand now. Hell if I know what is actually going on. One day at a time I guess and just hope mom comes to her senses before something happens that she will regret…. and hopefully I don’t end up hurt. Love and Light