Zomby-Timmy Theme #2

Zomby-Timmy Theme #2: On September 10th, 2001, the world was a harmoneous place, or so the re-writing historians would have us believe. The next day, some buildings fell and some people died, and suddenly the world is a completely different place. Our fearless leader, President George W. Bush announced, “You are either with us, or you are against us.” Thus, at least in his mind, setting stage an epic battle of Good VS Evil, with the United States being completely infallable and incapable of failing in it’s mission to irradicate the world of it’s enemies.

Bush effectively declared a holy war on the Axis of Evil. And, in the spirit of “securing the homeland”, the P.A.T.R.I.O.T. Act was passed with little resistance. (PATRIOT stands for Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism.) These “tools” allow the government to spy on and detain it’s own citizens. In light of the PATRIOT Act and feverish Nationalism that has swept the country, it’s clear the US Government considers a terrorist to be anybody who opposes them. Like, for example, France. Or, just anybody who breaks federal laws. Like drug dealers.

(I’m being extreme to be funny. Lighten up.)

In the spirit of McCarthyist’s Day, coming up on September 11th, I ask: Why are you a terrorist?

I have long, dark hair. I also have facial hair which I rarely cut. These sound almost like Muslims practices! And, as we all know, all Muslims are terrorists.

I listen to heavy metal. This music fills me with “deviant” ideas. For example, in Metallica’s “And Justice For All”, the lyrics imply that money can buy justice. Of course, such a thing could never in this fine land of ours. Other themes in music I listen to include: suicide, depression, love, sex, Satan, and Albuquerque. Thus, I could get depressed, fall in love with a suicide bomber, and in a sexual escapade blow up Albuquerque in the name of Satan.

I doubt the existence of a deity. This makes me an atheist. And, as we all know, atheists are incapable of living by any morals. As a godless creature with no morals, it’s inevitable that I will lash out at the United States and it’s citizens.

I enjoy putting things up my bum. This means I am guilty of sodomizing myself. And, of course, only homosexuals like putting things up my bum. This means I’m a member of the Homosexual Conspiracy. The Homosexual Conspiracy is a plot to overthrow the heterosexual society and install, in it’s place, a homosexual society where being gay is the norm. It would seek to “convert” heterosexuals into the homosexual lifestyle. And, I think we all know the Republicans are deathly afraid of being gay. *nods* Since I am threat to their desire to remain perfectly heterosexual, I am terrorist.

I oppose the Bush Tax Cut. This means I believe the government should have all of it’s citizen’s money. That sounds oddly totalitarian. Like a muslim society! I oppose the people of America, and since I oppose the people, I oppose the government. Because the government is the people. And I intend to overthrow the US Government by giving them all my money. *nods*

Okay, that just hurt my head.

I like being nude a lot. I disregard society’s brainwashings that we should cover our bodies at all times. This means I think for myself. And since I think for myself, this means I might disagree with the US Government. And considering something with the US Government wrong makes me a thought-criminal. I must be detained so that I may be reprogrammed to properly love America.

I have nudes of myself from when I was a minor. Meaning, I have pictures of someone who was a minor. And thus, I have possession of child pornography. All people who dabble in child pornography are threats to the children of America. I must be castrated before I have kids and molest them. Those molested children would be mal-adjusted and seek to strike out at the US Government. I must be neutralized before I create a family of terrorists.

I download music and movies. I don’t pay for them. This means I believe in anarchy and wish to overthrow the American government. I believe everything should be free, because it’s cool not to have to pay for things. It is imperative to subdue terrorists like me, because of my anarchiac elements. I could start a cult and bomb a building in the shape of a smilie face.

I view porn. This makes me an especially bad person because it means I view women solely as sexual objects. In fact, women aren’t even true humans. They are below human, and should be controlled. I seek to take away women’s right to vote, and right to masturbate. Girls can only masturbate when the cameraman says so. I hold down women, so that means I hold down Jews. I am the next Hilter. BOW DOWN TO ADOLF.

I don’t drink diet soda. This means I refuse to be a healthy person. I want everybody to eat shit and die. The government fears my misanthropicness will spread to others and eventually consume the nation. I hate people, and more importantly, I hate other countries. I don’t want the US to be a world leader. I believe the US should revert to isolationism and shoot any Mexicans that try to jump the border. This conflicts with the current policy of loving everybody.

I don’t like Star Wars. This means I don’t identify with the revolutionary factions in the movies. Instead, I identify with the Evil Empire. I am a Soviet KGB spy and seek not to overthrow the United States through revolution, but through war, espionage, and the fact that Americans don’t like being jerked off on. I intend to deface that great shlong in the sky, the Washington Monument, by spreading my Soviet cream all over it. Such terrorism is just insulting.

I like spiral macaroni and cheese, because I believe it is superior to all other forms of spiral. I must be delusional, since all Kraft mac and cheeses are made of basically the same stuff. There is nothing different about spiral. This means I might suddenly think I’m God. There’s no logical reason to believe I’m better than anybody else. I might think “Hmm, maybe the United States Government is wrong.” I might start a cult of spiral lovers who will worship me as their messiah. This is flat out blasphemy, going in the face of everything Christian America stands for. For their religious grip to be maintained, terroristic elements like me must be assimilated.

I admit it. I am a terrorist. I am everything John Ashcroft is looking to find. But, I am not alone. There are many more of me. People like me, people you wouldn’t even suspect of having anything in common with me. I am the reason the incident on September 11th occurred, and I’m the reason all Americans live in fear of an invisible enemy. Assert your PATRIOT Act at once on me. I can not be allowed to mingle with the rest of America, where I may infect them with my terroristic ways. Praise Allah! :: emits Aura ::