Why I’m Atheist, Part II

What I really want to say is that I never really believed in anything. That’s what I said at the start. When I was growing up, I’d hear of the concept of “God”. I’d ask, “Where is he?” And I remember Wendo saying to me, “He’s all around you.” I was five at the time, and I was sitting at the dinner table, pinned against the wall. And let me tell you, a feeling of terror came over me. That scared the crap out of me! All… around me? Of course, I was five at the time.

My mom’s Presbyterian. My dad? I really have no idea. His mom, my Grandma, worships Siva, I believe. At least, I think it’s Siva. Either that one or Vishnu. The one with all the arms. God damn, you’d think I’d learn something from that Eastern Religions course I learned last year. Regardless, my Grandma seems to be rather monotheistic. Same with my Dad, though he at least recognizes the chance that might not be a Big G. Wendo? She’s convinced the bible was written by some sexist guys who wanted to enslave women. Or something like that. As some people like to say, she’s more “spiritual” than anything else.

I told my Grandma that I don’t believe in God, when I saw her last week. She treated me like I’m in a phase. Like I’ll get over myself and find Big G. It was really condescending. I let it go, of course. She’s old, she wouldn’t understand any explanation I could put forth.

Religion isn’t really something I ever though about. I remember my mom hauling me to church every now and then. Guess I didn’t associate God with that place. It just seemed ritualistic and.. boring. *laughs* So, I wasn’t raised religiously, so to speak. The concept of God isn’t something I really was a part of when I was growing up. I had a happy childhood, and grew up, relatively unaware of the concept of God. If you want an answer now, I never needed religion. It’s impossible to incorporate religion into my life as it is now.

I never really thought about my lack of “faith”. I remember specifically when the word “atheist” was actually introduced to me. Sophomore Year, World Cultures. Miss Scott asked if there were any atheists in the class. I actually didn’t know what the word meant. However, someone else raised his hand. So, I did, too. Because I sure as hell wasn’t anything else. I went home that night and looked it up. I looked the definition and said to myself, “Hmm. Sounds like me!”

I met this kid, Max. Atheist Jew. He had apparently done a lot more thinking about the topic than me. Among other things he said to me, he said he believed in some form of “life force”. Looking back, it sounds suspiciously like something I learned about in Philosophy of Science. I forget the name of it. Oh, that’s right, it was bad because it couldn’t be quanified or really specifically defined in terms we already know. And, I’m talking in terms of Science, so I suppose that doesn’t really relate. Sorry.

Regardless, he inspired me to start looking at WHY there is no god. I don’t really remember what I thought. I can guess that I looked at God from an entirely Christian perspective and worked from there to show inconsistencies with Christianity. *smirks* Everybody’s always picking on the Christians, eh? Hey, top dog is always the one to get the cheap-shots. So to speak. I suppose I’ve outgrown that. When explaining to people why you’re atheist, it was more like asking me “Why aren’t you Christian?” So I’d probably say something about how organized religion is bad. I’d explain proofs of how the Christian God can not exist. However, I don’t think like that anymore. It’s not necessary to go on a disproving spree of everything religion on Earth and beyond.

So, I haven’t really explained why I don’t believe in God. I’ve explained everything but that. It works like this: Okay, so maybe there’s something beyond us. But, what? In a way, to assert one thing is to deny everything else. Think of it in terms of actual religions. If you’re Muslim, you’re not, say, pagan. To subscribe to a belief is to reject anything that contradicts it. So, rather than try one belief on for size, a belief that I really don’t believe is right, I simply say that there is nothing. That there is nothing beyond what we can sense with our five senses. As I said in the previous paragraph, it’s not necessary to disprove every religion. Why? Well, damn it, I’m lazy. *thinks of something logical* Oh. Of course. Doubt! Oh hell, it doesn’t matter.

And really, that last sentence says a lot more than anything else I’ve said. It doesn’t matter to me. Be Christian. Be Muslim. Be Buddist. I really don’t care. Religion does not matter to me. If it matters to somebody else, well so be it. I tend to think that what matters is whatever we think matters. To each his own, as they way. The right to masturbate means a lot to me. So it matters. To me. To others, obviously, such a right does not matter. Maybe I’m completely wrong. Maybe I’m under a veil of psuedo-logic so thick I can’t see my own hypocrisies. But, again, it doesn’t matter.

Cold and dark view of the world, you think? Not to me. Know this about me: I may not be easily impressed, but I’m easily amused. I’ve been to the Grand Canyon. It’s a ditch in the ground. Wanna know something random that might fascinate me? Orange Soda. Take a sip. It fizzles! It tastes funny! Why does it taste like that? Oh, some chemicals do such and such. But why? You know what? I DON’T KNOW! I accept that there are things in life that I just do not know. I get by like all humans do, assuming things about the world. Why explain away the world? Why not let it be a big mystery? If I am my own God, than damn it, I have faith in me and my ability to navigate the world.

Addendum, because I noted somebody about it: I believe assume in a deterministic universe. In that, there is distinct cause and effect. Things do not happen for no reason. Reason, not meaning anything deep, but simply causes. As in cause and effect. And as such, there is no such thing as randomness. Moreover, randomness violates laws of physics. I won’t talk about quantum mechanics. : P

Addendum 2: While I may call myself atheist for simplification, I consider myself mostly agnostic, as I’m open to ideas beyond simply the exclusion of god. So to speak.

Addendum 3: And some “whys” and “explainations” are quite fascinating to learn about. As they say, fact is stranger than fiction. Why should we be ignorant to the world?