Why I don’t like stereotypes.

So in child psych, we were going over theories of intelligence. And for whatever reason, the difference between penises and Vaginas came up. Supposedly, if you GOTO someone with a penis with a problem, he’ll tell you how to solve it, whereas Vagina-ed people will “listen”.

Except, that’s not me at all. Obviously it’s assumed that not everybody will conform to generalizations. But still.

You know what I tend to do? Point out possible courses of action. You can make up your own damn mind. You don’t come to me to make a choice. You’ve already made the choice. Now you have to understand why you’ve made it. : D Only through talking through people’s true feelings can they themselves realize not only the appropriate course of action but the justification behind it.

Whoever these males are that supposedly make up these stereotypes, I’ve obviously never met them. (Or just never asked them for advice.)

it’s generally a true stereotype. but not everyone fits the mold. it’s not their fault you’re the normal one!

ryn: Never said it wasn’t. But I still see it as a part of me… and it’s hard parting with things one sees as a part of them. It’s a personal thing that I don’t expect others to understand… just respect.

Well said, hon.

It’s true in some cases. Whenever I tell Joe something he tries to tell me how to fix it, or what I could possibly do to make it easier on myself. Sometimes I just want him to listen! I just want him to say “Yeah, that really sucks, I feel you, P” haha. He’s getting better though

Soroptimist

March 23, 2006

Yeah, I’ve heard that theory, but I think it’s pretty rusty. I am a much better solver than listener. I’m working on the listening. xxx

The Kid

But see, in pointing out different courses of action, you’re still Offering THINGS TO DO. Most – not all, my Mom being a HUGE exception – but MOST women will just LISTEN. Give an occasional “Uh Huh”, “Mmmm”, or “Oh, Wow!”. That’s often what Women want when talking out a problem…they need a sounding board, not someone to offer choices, or courses of action, or solutions. Just someont to LISTEN.

MOST MEN, on the other hand, and sometimes my husband is an exception – but stereotypes are there for a reason, as Most means More than Less – Most men, when faced with someone talking out a dilemma or problem to them, will offer a Solution or solutions, different choices, etc…not just be quiet except for prompting noises, and just LISTEN. It’s just the way it is, Like it or not. 🙂

RYN: Oh, I’m not suggesting that the person wants a listener who says NOTHING – therefore, not “talk to a wall”, just wants someone who isn’t quite as “active” as all that – and is more of a “Sympathetic Listener”. This is NOT a slam, it’s just how things often turn out. Many men can’t understand the difference, and that’s okay, again – it just happens this way most often. 🙂

RYN: Right, but even asking “How do you feel about this?” is often too much for the person talking out the problem – often they want, they NEED to hear, “Oh, you must’ve felt Awful…” or however you think they felt; if you’ve been in a similar sitch, you might say, “I know what you mean”, and often, that’s enough. The person with the problem (again, usually a woman) really wants to feel validated

and feel like SOMEONE will listen…and listen with comfort, with sympathy. In a lot of cases I’ve been privy to, the talker will finish up, heave a BIG sigh and say, “I know what I’m doing, but thank you SO MUCH for listening.” and they go away feeling MUCH better. We humans are strange beings! 😉

RYN: That’s great! Keep doing what works. Stereotypes exist for a reason, we don’t have to like them, and we can be even prouder to be NOT the stereotype. 🙂

Stereotypes are SO overrated.

Me too, hate stereotypes.

julieannie

March 24, 2006

I don’t listen. My vagina doesn’t have ears.

Well I do hate stereotypes too.. But.. Psychology is based on them. Or not stereotypes, I’d say statistics, averages.. *hugs* R.