Tone.

And when I look back over all those dark times, I see so much distraction. So much distraction. I suppose it was my way of dealing. Just make it about something else entirely. Make it about everything except for what’s bothering me. I did some insane expression, don’t get me wrong.

But it’s about the tone. We can’t always control what we feel, but we can control what we think. Change the tone, change the message.

I find strange comfort in placing myself in Sad Timmy. If I can fight for him, I can fight for me. I will give him the validation I never gave myself at the time. I knew this was going to be a long semester. Fifteen weeks left. I pumped myself up so high because I KNEW there would be stretches of insecurity and doubt. Because I know how sad I can get. How scared. To just run and hide. And sometimes it’s OKAY to hide.

Change the tone. Change the mental perspective. If I am going to be scared and terrified for the next fifteen weeks, I need the right message. Because I’ve fought many battles before this. I’ve lost some, but I’ve won a lot. I’ve WON a lot. Find strength in my failures. Find strength in my victories. Remember what got me here. There is nothing here that’s beyond my capabilities. One step at a time, one day at a time, one hour at a time.

Oh, if I could just hide for the next fifteen weeks. But that’s not an option. There is no tomorrow. THERE IS NO TOMORROW. I don’t have the eye of the tiger, but I do have the stubbornness of a kitten.