Titilating Post-Shower Entry.

Status Report

Wearing: My tuggy and a towel in my hair.

Stereo is blasting: Superbeast – Rob Zombie

Last ate: Dinner tonight fucking rocked. Stuffing and mashed potatoes! (Oh, and turkey.) Fuck yeah! That’s shit I could live off of.

Last round of masturbation: Matter of hours ago.

Entry Start Time: 12:58 AM

Based on Esther’s “Senses”.

Wait, why am I writing this again? I’m kinda thirsty. I really need to keep some jews in the fridge. Past two years, I’d keep orange jews in the fridge, but I’ve been unusually Indian. (You think Scottsmen are cheap, HA.) I’m attempting to spend nothing on my Knight Express in the hopes I can take that refund at the end of the year and… actually have money?

Next summer. There’s something I definitely don’t want to think about for a while.

Oh. Yeah. I was going to clip my nails after I got out of the shower. Yeah. All you better stick around and watch me clip my nails. Maybe even my toenails, too. Have I mentioned that I’m still naked? I can hear BIGGAYDAN going, “OMGNAKEDTIMMYCLIPPINGHISNAILS.” Calm down, boy, or I’ll create a scene like that in the next story.

*clips his left thumb*

*clips his left index finger*

*clips his left middle finger*

*clips his left ring finger*

*clips his left pinkie*

*pauses to look at his handiwork and reclip necessary fingers*

*clips his right thumb*

*clips his right index finger*

*clips his right middle finger*

*clips his right ring finger*

*clips his right pinkie*

*pauses to look at his handiwork and reclip necessary fingers*

*clips left big toe*

…

*clips the other four toes*

*clips right big toe*

*clips the other four toes*

*wiggles his toes for emphasis*

There, that’s better. I was going to do that after last shower, but I got exceedingly lazy. I could have just done it any ol` time, but it’s better to clip your nails after you shower. Softer and all. I remember when Wendo said it was amusing how I clip my nails. Because I have a penis, an` all. *chuckles* As if it’s so bizarre for a guy to have a sense of hygiene. Hey, knock my shower rate all you want, I’m still the type of guy that shaves his balls. (And his armpits. *nods*)

I wonder in what order people clip their nails. Eh, I won’t even bother asking. Reminds me too much of my Armpit Shaving Survey.

I have this huge craving for Mexican food. I don’t mean the stuff in the dining hall. I’m talking Chi-Chi’s and El Coyote. More the later, I admit. I still have the taste of that chimichango in my mouth. Oh god. Orgasmic. And those nachos and salsa! *ejaculates all over his audience* I have NEVER had such good nachos and salsa. I never considered myself a salsa person. But, you could eat that salsa by itself! Mmmmmm.

Speaking of ejaculation… I know a couple of you lovely ladies are concerned about how often I touch my penis. I’d just like to state that my past two orgasms were really good. The one last night was one of my better ones. I need to break the habit of forcing orgasms. Heh. What can I say, I’ve gotten too good at masturbating. I need to communicate with my penis more and let it tell me when it wants to be pleasured. Know this, ladies: Just because a guy has a boner doesn’t mean he’s going to orgasm. Take morning wood, for example. I have NEVER been able to orgasm from a morning wood-type boner. I’ve been getting more used to using the shaft skin to masturbate, but I’ll save that information for the next Fauxskin Log.

I read every http://www.somethingpositive.com comic since somebody left me a note introducting me to the site. My favorite quote still remains, “I could menstruate better coffee than this.” If I was into coffee, I think I’d use that line anyway, simply because I’m incapable of menstruating. Don’t you get it? It makes no sense! *chuckles* I love that line of mine.

Also, if you’re wondering where I got the hilarious pic on my DD, I found it on this Comedy Goldmine of somethingawful.com. Comparable in laughter to the one they did on the Iraqi Information Minister. Oh man, that was GOLD! (Hence why it’s a “Goldmine.”)

I actually don’t give too much of a shit about the Matrix. It’s quality high-budget crap. *nods decisively* That’s very high praise coming from me. I didn’t see the original until Skunkie made me watch it. It didn’t strike me as anything deep, unlike what some geeks would lead us to believe. Eat Meditations and die. It was entertaining. Which – what do you know – it’s supposed to do! The same can be said of Matrix 2: The Quest For More Money.

Speaking of geeks, this link is amusing. So glad I don’t know how to speak Klingon.

Okay.

Hmm.

I should dry my hair. Because I want to sleep sometime tonight. Damn it, I knew I should have put it in pigtails before writing. Whatever. I suck clit. Well, no, I don’t. I wish I sucked clit. *sighs dreamily*

Yeah. I should tend to Timmy-related things. OH. I don’t have an interest topic. I think the reason Vampire Pandora got approved is because Bruce didn’t think it was an actual name. Eh, whatever. I’m sure Bruce saw my name and chuckled. He knows who I am.

Yeah. Here’s a picture, since I’m shower-fresh. I want everybody to masturbate to it? On second thought, it’s okay if you don’t, it’s not that good.

I always have massive red-eye in all my pictures.
Maybe I really am the spawn of Satan.