Timmy VS Liz.

I was pondering as to just why Liz and I quarrel so much. I know better than to focus on pure examples. I’m a dick to her due to things about her that annoy me. And she says sly remarks in regards to things I’d assume annoy her. I call her smoking retarded, and she makes fun of me for lifting. So on and so forth.

Yet, it’s so simple. Her making fun of me for not liking donuts, saying I’ve “changed”. Yet, at the same time, she chides me for not liking new things. The dynamic is like this:

I’ve changed, yet don’t like new things. And she loves “new experiences”, yet refuses to change.

Fascinating, no? At least on the surface. I’d assume we’re like reflections of each other, if it were to be a complete allegory.

It seems to me that as much as I want to stop being a dick, there will always be these fundemental difference between us. I doubt she’s noticed, but I’ve actually backed off a lot of my chiding. It’s already in her head, she knows how I feel. So it’s pointless. She knows I think she’s a moron for smoking. I’m not sure what she thinks of my anti-smoking stance, beyond it being annoying. I’m against addictive substances, or self-destructive habits. Smoking weed is fine. Being a pothead is not.

But where’s the fun in all our friends being the same? While her inability to be rational leaves something to be desired, maybe there’s something to be learned from her yet. In an ideal world.

I don’t think she really gets me. She seems mildly delusional, or mildly detached from the world. It’s a vibe I get from a lot of people. As I say a lot, the truth will set you free. I’m a very intimate person, and this world seems mightly lonely when I don’t get that true level of intimacy and interaction that I desire. Most people seem a few levels away from actually connecting with people. Communication is so tokenized that rarely a genuine thought is expressed. It’s why a lot of us get more satisfaction from those souls we find on the Internets.

The truth will set you free. Accept your own emotions, and you have nothing to fear. Though, that wasn’t what I meant to get into.

I’m kind of stand-offish with some people. I don’t like some vibes. Anthony was being rather loud with me, and I could tell he was being sarcastic. However, I couldn’t read the socially expected reply from him, so I simply said that I wasn’t going to respond to him talking to me like that. My read was that he was being harmless. Cliff read my discomfort and later said Anthony didn’t mean any harm. I said I knew.

I think that’s why alcohol does wonders for me. I spend a lot of time analyzing, and reading situations. Ironically, I think I do it more than I used to. Or, at the very least, I’m better at it than I used to, sO can use it to my advantage. I love being in a moment, interacting, and at the same time, observing it happen. Nothing like people-watching yourself.

A lot of times I feel like everybody else is on a certain level, and I’m just not feeling that vibe. Humor works in that regard. Some things which other people find funny are just not the right humor for me. Yet I’m the same guy who manages to amuse himself constantly with little things.

Something occurred to me recently. The style of writing in my old journals. I wrote it as if my life was some story that I was going to read later. The problem is when life becomes things you just don’t want to write about. Thus, the style changes. It’s a curious thought. Kind of an understatement that the tone to the story of our lives would change with the tone of our lives. Hitting rock bottom changed everything. I’m still thinking of my life in reference to that moment. And I wonder when that next hump will come, that moment I’ll refer back to. Like the changing of a chapter.

I’ll go sleep naked now.