The Timmy Manifesto, Part I

Status Report

Wearing: Sad But True Metallica shirt. Blue g-string. Shorts. Socks.

WinAmp is playing: Horse – Live

Last ate: Chicken Patties. Thanks, mom!

Last round of masturbation: Last night. Two last night, actually. The first one, I used Edmund prior to final approach. God damn, I forgot how good prostate stimulation feels. I’d say my sex drive is slowly returning.

Entry Start Time: 12:47 AM

Based on Esther’s “Senses”.

I was going to stay away for at least tonight. Let my mind stay clear. Alas, not to be. Hairbrush has inspired me. One way or another. I’m not really sure where I’m going. Let’s find out!

First, I felt like rereading Morality and Me Redux, looking for some advice. When I write things, I tend to forget what I’ve written right after writing them. (And so, I can guess what entries are about, given my current mindset and knowledge of the past, but I can not be sure exactly what I might have said.) I must say PRAISE ALLAH! I mean, damn, I can be brilliant sometimes. It’s like, “Wow, I wrote that? Cool!” Ha ha, don’t think I always write to entertain. A lot of times, I just write to organize my thoughts and write them down so I can come back to them later.

I reiterate: When you realize that nothing matters, you’re pretty free to do what you want. To rephrase, when you don’t mind the consequences of your actions, you can do whatever you want. What can I do? Whatever I want. What shall I decide NOT to do? Again, whatever I want. Just because I can do something doesn’t mean I must do that thing. And just because I shouldn’t do something doesn’t mean I can’t go ahead and do it anyway.

That is so the result of watching too much Fight Club. And I haven’t watched it in the past month or two… Maybe I should watch it tonight.. *gets idea*

Oh hell, I’ll just say it. Hairbrush were discussing the vague possibility of getting together and just screwing around. (Clarification: I mean, just getting together and fooling around. Neither of us want to have sex with each other. We’re virgins and kind of want to stay that way.) We both know we could do it. *laughs* I’ve never had this kind of situation before, in any sense. For the longest time, I’ve held onto the notion that all physical conduct for a Timmy should in the context of a relationship. I’ve side-stepped that since Skunkie, simply saying that intent of a relationship is all that matters. That a whether a relationship is official or not doesn’t matter. That all that matters is the emotion, and the consent of both parties involved.

It’s all talk between me and her, of course. We live too far away for any weekend excursions to occur regularly. I pointed out that if we do see each other again, we should try hanging out first. …Then screwing around at the end of the day. *laughs* Such a sexual relationship we have. It can’t be helped. We’re two sexual people. We feed off each other. I think my sex drive dip is a direct result of us not talking as much. I mean, after I started talking to Hairbrush, my sex drive was WAHOO. I never explained on OD what happened with Hairbrush. In short, we mutually decided it wouldn’t work and stopped talking in frequency for a while. Enough time as passed where we’re just talking again. Sorta. Kinda. We still have insane communication skills. I can’t get over how much we communicate.