The Penis Monologue.

I did not always know I had a penis. I’m not sure if I was told I had a penis. As a little boy, it was referred to as a “pee pee”. Other times, the region was vaguely referred to as my “private parts”. I understood that boys had penises and girls had – well, all I knew was that girls did not have penises. I was never told that girls have vulvas, let alone a vagina, a clitoris, and a urethra of their very own.

I was never told I had testicles, let alone that they were the reason I was male. I was vaguely aware of this sac underneath my little penis. I naively reasoned that this was where urine was stored. I was never told I had a bladder. I otherwise did not give urination much thought.

Once when I was little, my ‘pee pee’ hurt. So I went to my mother. It did not occur to me to even consider asking my dad. In fact, I disliked the idea, when it was suggested to me.

I was never told I was circumcised. I was never aware of my lack of a foreskin. I remember noting the color differential, and the ring of discoloration around my penis.

Occasionally I noted my penis lengthening slightly and becoming stiff. This puzzled me, yet I never thought of it as a bad thing. It never occurred to me that this was anything sexual. I was never told what an erection is.

I remember learning about wet dreams in school. So-called “nocturnal emissions”. Talk about taking a delightful experience as orgasm and turning it into something experienced while unconscious, and described in bland scientific terms, no less.

I was never told what masturbation was. I discovered it on my own terms, of course. Lacking a foreskin, I would use lotion to pleasure my penis. I remember noting how the skin of the penis would become taut when my penis became erect. I just assumed all penises functioned similarly. I just assumed the skin was designed to stretch upon erection.

I remember believing that the sight of a naked female, alone, would be enough to elicit an erection. The first naked breast I ever saw was, in fact, not from the internets. It was from a kid I knew in school. I was disappointed when an erection, in fact, did not occur. Nonetheless, I could not deny that breasts were, indeed, very nice to admire.

Though, my admiration of the female body was still in its infancy. I recall being in 8th and 9th grade, and just looking at girls, trying to see what it is I was supposed to be attracted to. What is an attractive female to me? As my tasted developed, this eventually grew into shame. How dare I admire females! How dare I ‘objectify’ them! Despising my peers, I didn’t want to be one of “those boys”. I don’t remember being told this, really. I had this idea that stereotypical boys only wanted ‘in a girl’s pants’.

I was never told it’s okay to admire the female form.

I remember my first girlfriend. I remember the first time I held her hand. Emotions flaring, senses heighted, and my penis was fully erect. I felt mild embarassment, fearful she’d notice. I don’t think I intrinsically thought it was a bad thing to be erect in such a situation, though I still had that boyish shyness about my penis. Gasp! If I have an erection, she’ll assume I want to penetrate her vagina! I was never told it’s okay to have erections.

All I knew of the vulva at that point was from a textbook standpoint. I remember the first time I felt vulva. It was like an affirmation that yes, in fact, girls have vulvas. I believe it was entirely due to the internets that I knew where the clitoris was. Though, I was never told how under the Vagina is. Nor could I ever have fathomed just how lubricated a Vagina can become after a session of kissing.

I was never told girls grew hair on their vulva, as well. Hell, I don’t think I was really told I’d grow hair on my genitals.

Through an aggregate bombardment from society, media, and pornography, I was lead to believe blowjobs are the apex of the male sexual experience. To feel a tongue stimulating my penis would surely arouse the greatest hedonistic delight of my lifetime! It’s not that I dislike having my penis inside a lady’s mouth. In fact, I find it rather flattering and psychologically satisfying when a girl desires my penis in her mouth. Sadly, fellatio has not lived up to this expectation built up for me. I was never told blowjobs don’t work for all guys. I’ve never orgasmed due to oral stimulation from a female. And it’s not really a big deal.

I love ejaculating. Sure, I could speak of orgasming, but as a male, I highly enjoy the act of ejaculating. I love feeling semen gush out of my penis. I find the more I ejaculate, the better quality orgasm I have. Naturally I associate large ejaculation = better orgasm. Overall, this correlation holds. In terms of volume, though, I don’t ejaculate much. This used to bother me, thinking that other males were having superior orgasms than I. I’m now content with the fact that my post-masturbation clean-up is rather brief, and the ejaculations themselves are easy to control and aim.

I don’t have a foreskin. I was somewhere around 18 when I realized this. That I was missing part of my penis! At first, distinct anger. Why, why is part of my penis missing? The answer angered me further. Part of my penis is missing for absolutely no reason! I was told it’s okay to be angry because part of my penis is missing.

At first, I had no interest in remedying my penis. I knew it would take a great amount of emotional investment. I knew once I took that first step, there would be no turning back. It was when masturbation had lost its thrill that I realized I had to do something. I knew I was not stimulating the penis the way it was meant to be stimulated. By something fleshy and moist. A foreskins is really just a built-in wanking sleeve. I was certainly never told how useful foreskins are for masturbation.

Foreskin restoration has been very kind to me. I accept that my penis did not ask to be circumcised. It’s a rather nice penis, really. It is of ample size. It has a rather aesthetically pleasing shape. The skin tends to be rather soft to the touch. I think it looks pretty cute completely flaccid, all tiny and such. Thanks to restoration, the glans looks redder than it used to. Especially upon erection.

All these things I discovered on my own, yet I can’t help but wonder how much easier it would have been if I had been told these things. To know of erections. To know of ejaculation. To know of vulvas and vaginas. To know that penetrating a Vagina will not yield immediate extraordinary pleasure. Maybe I was aware of the simple proverb “boys have penises”, but I certainly didn’t know what it was to have a penis.

I was never told I had a penis.