The Old Dirty Wanker Survey

Well hey, there are SOME male readers. I’ll answer all of this at one point…. no time for it just now really. I’ll be back.

If I had a penis, I would answer all these questions. That is, if I could tear myself away from playing with it to do that. 😀

HEY! I never said I thought it was easy to get it up!! I’m sure its….very difficult (resisting the urge to say “hard”). But its not like a woman has the easy end of the deal, either. She may not have to get anything up….but it is sometimes a lot of work to get a woman off. And well, sure….sometimes we can orgasm back to back, and that’s all great…but getting there isn’t any easier!

believe me……it can sometimes take WAY too long to get to that point. So…I think men and women are pretty much even in the sex department. 😛

damn….look at all the notes you left me. Sheesh. YOu’re such a note whore. 😀 oohh….shower fresh. Yay for you! I’m not…I’ll be showering at the end of the day, thank you. You know…with the moving shit around…I could get sweaty. So, I should wait to clean up.

I hope i find a good resting place for my boobies, too. 😀 They deserve it. Though…I don’t know why I’m really worrying about it. I’m getting these intending to wear them for someone…he’ll probably just say, nice, but can we take that off now??? *giggles* Yeah…guys are lucky they do’nt have to find underwear that accomodates their penis…just fits them generally. Wouldn’t it

be funny if you had to buy underwear that way?? “Yeah…I’ve got a 34 inch waist, and a 6 1/2 inch penis….do you have these underwear in that size? No? Damn. Well….I think the 34/7 inch would be too big, butt he 34/6 inch would just be too tight ont he fella down there….lets just look for a different style.” HAHAH! That’d be funny.

Well…I know men aren’t “walking boners” as you call them. If they were….they’d never ever leave the house, cause they’d be putting on a show for all to see!! Interesting show it’d be, though!! 😀 And oh yeah…girls are EVERY bit as horny as guys. Well…at least in my experience. I could just be the exception. I don’t know. Maybe every other woman in the world “has a headache” right

now except for me. Maybe I’m just a weirdo. Oh well….I don’t mind being a weirdo then. I like being overly-sexually (though, oddly under-sexed).

Oh! This survey is right up my . . . . . . . . . . . . alley!

Why did you pixelize the aureolae on your DD?

last time i checked i didn’t have a penis, but: Have you named your thing? If yes, tell us the name. my bf named his “the truth” because “you can’t handle the truth!”

I’ve been meaning to do this for a while now, sorry…. 1.& 2. I have not ever bothered to name “it”. It’s just another part of me. Seems silly. 3. I believe I was around 11-12 yrs old. I still remember that first time, I think it took 45 mins or more. I could barely walk at all and I thought EVERYONE in the house would know.

4. From 12 – 13yrs old 5. From 5-7 spaced out over a few hours sounds about right. 6. I was caught once and I cared greatly. That door was SUPPOSED to be locked! 7. I plan to keep at it all my life, or untill it doesn’t work anymore. I mean, why not? 8. I’ve never been to that site you mention, but yes, I regularly use a different method than that.

8. (cont) In fact, that was the last method I “discovered”, because normally it’s all done dry. Much less mess 🙂 9. I’ve never owned more than maybe 5-6 mags, but now I’ve got….. two tapes and at least a dozen DVD’s. Lets hear it for quality! 10. I think boobies are fine, but they are not my favorite part of a woman. Personal preference is something in the mid range, a “B” or “C”

10. (cont) Really I’m not that picky though. 11. A$$es are o.k. but again not my favorite part. I prefer small to middle size butts.

11. These are parts that I’ve never yet gotten to see with my own two eyes (touched a few times). I like these parts, and generally approve of them. I always try to treat them and their owners with the utmost in respect, but by the time I get that far, it’s a little bit…..hard *pun!* 12. Not qute sure what to make of GIANTMANCOCK. 13. Never had one. It sounds fun though. I’m up fo

14. I don’t really care for anal work either way, but if she really wants it that bad I might consider it. 15. I don’t really have enough experience in the world to have much of an oppinion on hair. I would prefer if she did the normal shaving, perhaps even pubes. Unsure in general though. 16. No opinion on BIGGAYDAN.

17. I imagine myself doing various things with either women I know or the ones on the tv screen. TV not required. Sometimes I don’t need to think of anything at all. 18. I use a rolled up section of toilet paper folded over to catch it right at ground zero. Only problem is when it isn’t setting right, or when I soak it through….. 🙂 This usually doesn’t make much mess at all.

18. (cont.) I’m still looking for a way to come without the mess though. The best I’ve been able is to miss the come and get the mess anyway. That’s really very frustrating though. 19. I have only just recently admitted to myself that women were horny at all, so no, I do not think they are as horny as men, but I do realize that they think about sex at all.

20. My favorite color is green. 21. I tell them it’s exactly as large as it is. No point in lying. 22. Last time I measured (and I plan to do so again to double check, it’s been a few years) I was just over 6 inches long and I think one inch thick. Best mental image is maybe two rolls of quarters.

23. I might wish for a bit more lenght and definetly a little more thickness, but in general I am happy with what I have. I know it will not change.

So there, I finally remembered and made time for your answers. Now, who else is up to it? I better not be the only one. Not counting Timmy, there must be at least ONE other guy on OD.

Okay, I think it’s time I did this survey, myself.

What did you call your thing when you were little? Pee pee. Have you named your thing? If yes, tell us the name. : P By chance, it’s been dubbed “Tiny Tim”. I’m modest. How old were you when you discovered the joys of masturbation? Twelve, I believe. Middle of 7th grade. When did you start masturbating regularly? That same day.

How many orgasms have you had in one waking cycle? Six. Phew. Have you ever been caught masturbating? Did you care? Sort of. Ahab walked in on me when I had just whipped it out. I doubt he saw it. I was so embarrassed. I couldn’t masturbate for a few days. How long do you plan to keep masturbating? Until my penis falls off or until a lady friend offers to satisfy all of my orgasmic needs.

Is there really any way to masturbate other than just stroking it with your hands? I like putting things up my bum, but the prostate and the penis seem to have different orgasmic mechanisms. I can massage my prostate without getting a boner, despite it feeling REAllY GOOD. How large is or has your porn collection been? At it’s peak, I had over 6,300 images.

What do you think of boobies? I think boobies of all sizes and shapes are beautiful. Large. Small. Medium. So long as they’re natural and sensitive, they’re cool. Asses? Fun to gaze at and grab. The Vagina? I fantasize about pleasuring girls between their legs. GIANTMANCOCK? Blowjobs? Cunnilingus? Anal stimulation?

GIANTMANCOCK? I like my penis, even if it doesn’t have a foreskin. Other cocks? Doesn’t bother me. Sometimes, I wish I was gayer. Blowjobs? As it stands, I don’t feel comfortable receiving one. Cunnilingus? I love giving it. Anal stimulation? On myself, it’s fun to spice up my self-love life. If a girl wants it up the bum, I’ll do it.

Body hair on you and your partner? On myself, I hate body hair. If it were up to me, I wouldn’t have any hair below my neck. My partner? It’s totally up to her. If she wants to go natural, I’ll fully support her. If she likes being hairless like me, I’ll enjoy the fruits of her labor. BIGGAYDAN? He is THEGAY. There is nobody who is gayer than him.

If you need to get yourself off, what do you think about? Although I don’t really think about anything when I masturbate, if I NEED to get myself off, I picture a wet and aroused Vagina in front of me, and I stick my tongue out, as if pleasuring her. How do you deal with the inevitable ejaculation? Nowadays, I cum on my worn clothes. Cum stains wash away easily.

Do you think girls are as horny as us? Hell yeah. Once girls get out of their teens, they’re more open about how much they want a cock in their pussy. What is your favorite color? Red. What is the size do you tell people your huge member is? I tell people that it’s REALLY REALLY SMALL.

How small is your thing, really? I’ll never tell. : P And finally: Do you wish your penis was bigger (or smaller)? Maybe half an inch. *laughs* Really, I want a foreskin, more than anything.

My other friend Timmy (Timmys all tend to be cool) named his Russel. Russel the love Mussle. I know LOTS of guys wo have named thier pinises. Its funny. My friend Steve named his Secret (like the deoderant) cause its “strong enough for a man, but made for a woman” LMAO. Chris: Willy Wonka. Jon:John the Joystick. Named penises are so funny! I think I’ll name my vagina.love and crackers .Samie